• American Bariatrics is a free online Bariatric Support Group. Register for your free account and get access to all of our great features!

Judgement

M

Medic101

Member
I recently started a new job at a clinic locally and told them that I had gastric bypass this past April. They seemed interested asking the usual questions about what I can eat and what I can't. They also wanted to know if there were any complications because of the procedure (only one ten days post op and cleared up quickly). Now it seems when I go to eat something my boss will look at me and say "Oh, you can eat that?" I just want to curl up in a whole. She is not a supermodel by any means and was complaining about being in her swim suit for vacation a week ago. She said "If I can only loose these stubborn 5lbs." Im thinking the whole time that I have lost over a hundred lbs and she is complainging about 5! My husband does that same thing with food. Asking if Im sure I can eat that. He is a twig and eats all he wants and it never shows.

I just feel like Im getting judged by all! I have worked hard to loose this weight and dont know how to approach people that seem to be judging me. I am trying to keep my head up but every time I hear something negative my old habits rear their ugly heads. I want sweets so bad! I had endulged over the holidays but am staying clean now. Even cut my bad pop habbit after a plea from Thomas :)

I just dont know what to say to people. Yes is this fine but not to much. Or stop watching me eat! That is what I really want to say.

Is anyone else having these issues????
 
MEDIC-My RNY is scheduled for 1/27 so I am not in the exact same situation as you are right now. However, I have dieted in the past and have been “judged” by co-workers more times than I can remember. One person in particular became so nosey at one point that she would ask me almost daily what I brought for lunch and would sit there watching me as I ate. I used to eat lunch at my desk which made it easy to find me so I switched things up. I moved around to the lunch room or even to my car and on occasion I would drive someplace. Eventually I ended up telling this person that they were being inconsiderate and judgmental and to stop checking up on me. That did the trick!!! Sometimes the direct approach works the best and you should consider telling the people that are bothering you to leave you alone. Just be professional about it. Where your boss is concerned you should have that conversation in private but I would think anything goes for the rest of the co-workers.
 
I had all the questions at work, what can you eat, how do feel, I am honest and upfront with my friends at work and and very candid about my what makes me ill when I have to eat and what I can eat in moderation. I've never run into the nosey coworker thank goodness, I have gotten in the habit of packing around food I can eat when I am on the road with coworkers incase they want that greasy burger joint or if we are on long road trips I eat several small meals as apposed to their three large meals a day, so I always have something. My daughter had the same surgery I had but a year earlier than me so we conpare notes on how foods affect us.

I don't think people are judging you, although there are some like that but most people avoid them, they are just uneducated or maybe just concerned because they knew someone esle who couldn't eat something. As far as the anyone asking "can you eat that?" just politely let them know that you are well aware of what foods you can eat and what will make you sick, and thank them for their concern. Hopefully that does it. Hope things are going well and not drinking the pop is not to hard on you, Hawiian Punch makes a great surgar free flavor packet. :cool: Tom
 
you know I have beenjudgedmy whole life for my weight. up and down muy entire life. the first preop meeting I ever went to I was at home cause everyone was like me but that is the onlyntime. easch person responds differeently to different foods and as long as is is in th cirriculum if it bithers you don't east it. I have seen rplies by dome that have no intolerance to anything. you cqb still lose the weight if you follow direction. the one thing we have in common is the desire for change. I regained 50 lbs five yearsnout and still have 40 to lose but I am bak on track. drop me a line would like tohear your story
 
I found the judgement before surgery emotionally draining. From family, friends, and coworkers. At work our cutesy, petite Director is fond of bringing her weight "problems" EVERY time she is around me. Incessantly whining about the 3lbs she gained on vacation or asking if her new dress makes her look fat. Once she pulled up a website on the Internet and had a group of women huddle around and she proceeded to mock the "fat brides" on the site "and can you believe they are happy on their wedding day?". I was sitting nearby and wanted to die.

I went to a business meeting where lunch was being ordered and when it was my turn to say what I wanted the leader started telling me how the caterer had great salads. Every time I went to speak he'd mention a different salad. Finally I said I wasn't hungry. Then he asked if he could get me a DIET cola. Ugh.

Now my coworkers seem excited for me. Which should be refreshing, but I can't help but think why is it so important to them? I'm one of the hardest working people in my group that often gets pulled into high level special projects within my department and other departments becaue of my unique mix of skills. My weight has never negatively impacted my job. The only thing it affects is whether or not they find me attractive or not which is not supposed to be relevant in the workplace. I'm constantly asked how I'm feeling, I don't lie I tell them I'm sore and exhausted. The number one comment I get is "your color looks good" which I interpreted as "you don't look like your feeling bad". They act like I should be 100% 38 days post-op. I'm far from it.

At home I have an Aunt who had RNY a decade ago. The day before my surgery I couldn't eat... she ate my favorite sandwich in front of me. Before surgery when I could eat she was all into eating bowls of cottage cheese for dinner and counting every calorie (as if to show me how it's done). Post-op she's been eating hoagies, pizza, etc while I'm struggling to get tiny amounts of protein into me. At three weeks post-op (just entering puree phase) she offered me a handful of Triscut crackers. It might as well have been a handful of razor blades. I can't help but feel like this is all intentional and don't quite know what to make of it.

My mother was fabulous post-op helping to take care of me till I was up and about. But all she does is lecture me about how I have to eat going forward. If I turn on the FoodNetwork channel (to learn about healthy cooking) she says I'm scaring her. I love her and know she means well, but it's overwhelming.
 
Hi Tricia Welcome to the forum. WOW all I can say is WOW, that sounds very challenging. I would have broke a long time ago and told everyone what they could eat or do and where they could put it or do with it, your restraint is very impresive and inspiring. Your mom sounds like the only person who is supporting you although it sounds like she is not sure how best to help you she is trying. If you could talk with her and tell her how greatfull you are for her support and then tacktfully guide her on how you can be best supported without hurting her feelings she might take your lead. I might also help to take her to a support group meeting with you so she can talk with other support persons that may help her understand what you are going througfh as well as other support people.

As for the rest of those people in your lif that are not so supportive, forget about them, your rerstraint has been remarkable and I couldn't give you a better way to deal with them than you already have, most importantly remember you had the WLS for you and your health and you are doing great your down almost 40 lbs so don't forget that. Keep up the good work and take care of your felf and Hankg in there. :cool: Tom
 
Tricia-It's a difficult situation you are in and a touchy one at that. By reading your post it's obvious to me that some of your co-workers are just plain A-holes and I wouldn't let them take up space in my head rent free!!! I think that some of them are also jealous at your accomplishment. Just keep your head up high and go about your day "business as usual". You're doing great, keep up the good work :)
 
dysfunction is all around us, in the hearts and minds of those uncaring, rude, and self absorbed individuals who rather like to criticize anything they don't see as "normal" You are taking cre of yourself and that is what is important. I personally believe those kind of people are either unable or unwilling look at themeselves. I occurs to me is that maybe the girl with that die to for figure may be hiding bulemia or anorexia! You will be fine and what they think is not important and the more weight you lose you will realize that you have a lot of self worth and haveproven that in your professional life. Youn go girl. someday you can looklike me batwings and goat teats. write soon.......patti
 
Medic101 said:
I recently started a new job at a clinic locally and told them that I had gastric bypass this past April. They seemed interested asking the usual questions about what I can eat and what I can't. They also wanted to know if there were any complications because of the procedure (only one ten days post op and cleared up quickly). Now it seems when I go to eat something my boss will look at me and say "Oh, you can eat that?" I just want to curl up in a whole. She is not a supermodel by any means and was complaining about being in her swim suit for vacation a week ago. She said "If I can only loose these stubborn 5lbs." Im thinking the whole time that I have lost over a hundred lbs and she is complainging about 5! My husband does that same thing with food. Asking if Im sure I can eat that. He is a twig and eats all he wants and it never shows.

I just feel like Im getting judged by all! I have worked hard to loose this weight and dont know how to approach people that seem to be judging me. I am trying to keep my head up but every time I hear something negative my old habits rear their ugly heads. I want sweets so bad! I had endulged over the holidays but am staying clean now. Even cut my bad pop habbit after a plea from Thomas :)

I just dont know what to say to people. Yes is this fine but not to much. Or stop watching me eat! That is what I really want to say.

Is anyone else having these issues????
Click to expand...
Aah Medic
The food police are tailing you-you need to go buy a couple of those plastic badges for them and then those that know so much more than you can feel "official" when they watch what you do !
Ron
 
Hi Trisha
The behavior of your co workers is intoleable and cruel-It's evident that they have no class whatsoever.But remember this when a year from now you are healthier and feel better and that may be enough to remind you that this was for You-Your Aunt should know better but apparently not-Moms are the same in everyones' life and unless she's also post op has no idea where you are or what you're going thru right now.I remember my Mom at a family dinner asking me when I was going to "eat like this" again-My response was-Never if I'm Lucky.I went on to explain post op eating to her but she still feels bad that I can't come to the table and eat at least a side of beef plus 10lbs of potatoes-such is life-Nothing Tastes As Good As I Feel-Hang in there-we're all here to support you !
Ron
 
just smile and go on. where does it say we have to justify their stupidity. I went through some of that and believe me I understand. "those " people arenot worth kicking your sore spots and areas of craving. I had once told letrell that I couldn't take just a bite fo chocolate or any other carb I had to leave them alone completely,early on they made me sick but at about 5 years the old eating patterns crop up and you slowly put on a few here and there because it seems that at five years our bodies begin to adjust again to tolerance for those things we couldn't tolerate before. I am trying to lose 40 lbs to get back to my goal of 160. It is hard to ignore other peoples ideas about what is good for us and though I tel you to smile and go on I didn't say you can't think any crude thing you want to!!! patti
 
Judgement is something that we all face at some point in our lives, whether it's from jealous co workers, family who don't understand, cruel friends, even as children we were criticized for our weight. I was always teased when I was younger, as I got older though, I lived with an aunt who was constantly dieting, and even though I ate really healthy in her presence, I would eat junk as soon as I was away from home. In high school lunch consisted of M&M's and milkshakes. But now as an adult, we deal with things on different levels. Ever have kids pick on you because of your size?? I have...not pretty, they judge and don't understand how hard their lives will be as adults cause of their eating habits now. My friends judge me sometimes, and they all ask me questions about things to come...what can I eat, what can I drink, and I know they mean well, they just don't always understand unless they have gone through it too.
 
your future with wls is going to be awesome. look at it as a journey not a destination. I am striving today to get bac k to my goal weight. I get judged because I allowed myself to regain 50 lbs. that's toobad because I am working toward my goal and I will acheive it...patti
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top