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Let’s talk about expectations

3momchaos

3momchaos

Member
For those of you who’ve followed me along on my journey, I’ve had a pretty easy time of it. I did not go into my first appointment with many expectations because I know for me that if those expectations weren’t met, I’d be disappointed and more likely to have troubles. When asked for a goal weight I gave them a goal range because I didn’t want to be stuck on a number, and the dietitian and counselor were happy with that.
What I wanted most from the surgery, which I remember saying in my first dietitian and counselor appointments was that I wanted joint pain relief. It was a want, but I also expected it. Unfortunately that’s not the case for me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have foot pain like I used to, but my other joints sometimes hurt worse now than before. Being diagnosed with fibromyalgia after losing all the weight I needed was a big surprise for me. I always blamed (and so did all my doctors) my pain on my weight.
I’ve been in a bit of a funk recently coming to the realization that the weight loss isn’t going to solve the big picture of my pain. But I also know that expectations need to be flexible. Without this surgery I probably would have never been diagnosed with fibro. I’ve got a lot to be grateful for because of my weight loss surgery.
It’s ok to be momentarily disappointed or fall off track, but it’s about changing momentum and realizing that the plans in the beginning don’t have to keep being the plans as time moves forward.
5098
 
I read another one of your posts a while ago about have a "range weight" and I loved it. I thought it was ideal and I really couldn't believe that it hasn't come up before. I have a goal weight, but when I was asked by EVERYONE on the team I always responded "around 225" (I am pretty much 6ft tall) because I knew an actual solid number isn't ideal. At my lowest adult weight I was 252 and felt and looked amazing, no one ever believed I weighed 252. I was so comfortable at that size, although was only there for a short time. :( Anyway, point is that since I read your post I have made it my rule. I see people freaking out about gaining 2 lbs. But, why? People fluctuate weight all day long which is the main reason you should weigh yourself around the same time of day when you do it. I would love to see "one-derland" but I think I would look horrible. I just want to see it one day and then gain 20 lbs. lol My brother is 6" tall also and weighs 195-200 lbs and frankly looks like he is starving. That look is not for me, not my preference. No offense to anyone who prefers to be super skinny though. Ok-Ok I am rambling. Anyway, I love your range idea, and have adapted it into my goal of "around 225" but more specifically gave it a max. Because I think I need a max as not to convince myself I am still "around" my goal weight until I am way to far away from it. (If that makes sense) THANKS for your solid unintended advice!
 
3momchaos said:
For those of you who’ve followed me along on my journey, I’ve had a pretty easy time of it. I did not go into my first appointment with many expectations because I know for me that if those expectations weren’t met, I’d be disappointed and more likely to have troubles. When asked for a goal weight I gave them a goal range because I didn’t want to be stuck on a number, and the dietitian and counselor were happy with that.
What I wanted most from the surgery, which I remember saying in my first dietitian and counselor appointments was that I wanted joint pain relief. It was a want, but I also expected it. Unfortunately that’s not the case for me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have foot pain like I used to, but my other joints sometimes hurt worse now than before. Being diagnosed with fibromyalgia after losing all the weight I needed was a big surprise for me. I always blamed (and so did all my doctors) my pain on my weight.
I’ve been in a bit of a funk recently coming to the realization that the weight loss isn’t going to solve the big picture of my pain. But I also know that expectations need to be flexible. Without this surgery I probably would have never been diagnosed with fibro. I’ve got a lot to be grateful for because of my weight loss surgery.
It’s ok to be momentarily disappointed or fall off track, but it’s about changing momentum and realizing that the plans in the beginning don’t have to keep being the plans as time moves forward. View attachment 5098
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I also have Fibromyalgia... it is a challenging and ever-changing antagonist! It is true that losing the weight alone does not completely rid you of it's "bite"... Did you know that there is actually now a blood test for it - not one you can just go to the doc to ask for yet, but there is a group out of CA that is doing some awesome research (or were pre-Covid), and they did develop a test!! I cannot tell you how awesome it felt to hold something in my hand that says, NO - it is NOT all in my head!! So many other tests for every autoimmune issue under the sun all come up negative, except for thyroid. It is a journey, and everyone's journey seems to be SO different when it comes to this one.
 
I'm kind of surprised that your team would pressure you for a goal weight. Or maybe I'm in the minority? Mine has never mentioned a number. My goal is to reduce the fatty deposits around my liver so that My NAFLD (non alcoholic fatty liver disease) doesn't turn into cirrhosis. I'm going to let that blood work be indictive of my success. To pin all of our hopes and feelings of success on a number on a scale that constantly changes seems like a recipe for unfulfillment.
 
LuckyInLove said:
I'm kind of surprised that your team would pressure you for a goal weight. Or maybe I'm in the minority? Mine has never mentioned a number. My goal is to reduce the fatty deposits around my liver so that My NAFLD (non alcoholic fatty liver disease) doesn't turn into cirrhosis. I'm going to let that blood work be indictive of my success. To pin all of our hopes and feelings of success on a number on a scale that constantly changes seems like a recipe for unfulfillment.
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None of my team "pressured" a goal weight. I was only asked to make sure I have "reasonable expectations". All of them at different times asked and I answered and it was a simple ok sounds good and moved on.
 
LuckyInLove said:
I'm kind of surprised that your team would pressure you for a goal weight. Or maybe I'm in the minority? Mine has never mentioned a number. My goal is to reduce the fatty deposits around my liver so that My NAFLD (non alcoholic fatty liver disease) doesn't turn into cirrhosis. I'm going to let that blood work be indictive of my success. To pin all of our hopes and feelings of success on a number on a scale that constantly changes seems like a recipe for unfulfillment.
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Mine didn’t pressure me either. Just asked what my goal weight was. I usually said under 200lbs, but I think they were wanting something closer to a BMI that fit my height, which they never came out and said. I adjust to around 180 which is what I was when I graduated high school and thought I was fat LOL It sucked growing up in the Ally McBeal era, but I’m sure every generation has something similar. But I agree that the bloodwork is a better indicator of health.
 
As someone who also has fibromyalgia and dx'd with osteoarthritis and inflammatory (but not rheumatoid) arthritis, I agree that the pain will not totally be cured from the weight loss but in many ways the weight loss helped me become more active.

That is wonderful news about a blood test on the horizon for fibromyalgia. I am sure many go undiagnosed.

You have always amazed me 3mom about your great attitude. I know when one is suffering from pain it is harder to keep that great attitude going so I hope your funk doesn't last long. And the weight loss has so many other benefits anyway. One thing to note that you are in the prime age when fibromyalgia gets diagnosed, so it is possible the weight loss may have helped osteoarthritis but may not have the same affect on fibromyalgia.
 
My attitude definitely gets better with good weather LOL It’s been sunny and beautiful here the past couple day, temps potentially reaching 80 here today. When I can get outside, even just to sit, it helps. Today I’m starting prep work on our vegetable garden then taking the kids on a hike after school. There’s just something about incoming beautiful weather that puts a pep in my step! My husband wants to move to Florida so bad, but I’m hesitant for a lot of reasons. I could see us being snow birds once the kids are out of school though LOL
 
3momchaos said:
My attitude definitely gets better with good weather LOL It’s been sunny and beautiful here the past couple day, temps potentially reaching 80 here today. When I can get outside, even just to sit, it helps. Today I’m starting prep work on our vegetable garden then taking the kids on a hike after school. There’s just something about incoming beautiful weather that puts a pep in my step! My husband wants to move to Florida so bad, but I’m hesitant for a lot of reasons. I could see us being snow birds once the kids are out of school though LOL
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It's sunny and 79 degrees in central California, where I am. Are you in California, too?
 
My nutritionist told me how much weight I could expect to lose. They said I would weigh between 146-170 something. They also said most people who have RYN stop losing weight around 18 months after surgery. They were wrong on ALL counts. Because of everything that's gone on in the last month or 2 I'm down to 109 pounds. My skinny has gotten skinny! I weighed 220 at the time of surgery and now I truly smaller than when I was born.
 
TraceyT said:

Because of everything that's gone on in the last month or 2 I'm down to 109 pounds. My skinny has gotten skinny! I weighed 220 at the time of surgery and now I truly smaller than when I was born.
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Wow Tracey, that’s amazing! My starting weight is similar to yours. I’m at 223, but will probably weigh less after the pre-surgery liquid diet. Anyhow, your numbers are encouraging for me. My team has been suggesting a goal weight of 160, which seems kinda high to me. They want to keep my expectations low. I’m just waiting for a surgery date,
 
suzannethemom said:
Wow Tracey, that’s amazing! My starting weight is similar to yours. I’m at 223, but will probably weigh less after the pre-surgery liquid diet. Anyhow, your numbers are encouraging for me. My team has been suggesting a goal weight of 160, which seems kinda high to me. They want to keep my expectations low. I’m just waiting for a surgery date,
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I'm too skinny at the moment. For me my ideal weight is between 120-130 - that's a really good size for me. It's difficult to gain weight. But I am trying.
 
TraceyT said:
I'm too skinny at the moment. For me my ideal weight is between 120-130 - that's a really good size for me. It's difficult to gain weight. But I am trying.
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I also lost too much in the first year, after breaking a stall that led to opening the floodgates. And it took tremendous work to gain back 15pounds so I didn't look like a ghoul. Now I'm older,so gaining is easier and I have to be vigilant.

I weighed myself the other day after months of ignoring the concept. To my horror I'd gained 10 pounds more than I thought, based on my pandemic weight gain. I'm socially phobic, so I can't just run out and buy fresh produce or lean meat. I've been living on cottage cheese and eggs.
 
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