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Overcomming fear

Tokash

Tokash

Member
How does one get past the fear of returning to pre surgery weight? I gain weight super easy and it scares me at just how easy it could be to get back to normal.

Lately weekends have been really tough to stay on track, the week time routine and business keeps me distracted. While I have not gained in a long time, until today, it usually leads to .5 to 1 pound loss a week. Which at this point I am ok with the slow loss.

I stopped physically tracking but mentally track which is pretty easy to do as I tend to eat the same foods and know the nutrtiin in it. Mothers day, I didnt track and did let my self splurge a bit. Still not much food because I physically can't but did have a bit of a treat and 2 drinks. Other than Sunday, the weekend was good as I had to work Friday and was busy running around sat. From this past weekend I gained 2.5 pounds(which I know isn't huge but still a gain).

I also will acknowledge some of the gain might be from my extreamly messed up cycles currently.

What do you guys do to stay on track on the weekends? I also don't want to have to physically track everything every day for the rest of my life. I would like to get to the point of normalcy at some point with out fear of gaining it all back.

When I saw I gained I did go back and write down my food from the previous 2 days and the nutrtiin what back in the normal range I shoot for.
 
I am also trying to just live "normally" and not have to track my food all the time. It still stresses me out when I don't because of that constant background fear that I'm going to gain it all back, too. I am currently motivated by my uncle, who has always been thin. Last time we went out to breakfast, he got tomato slices instead of hash browns. I said "Yummy." He responded "Not really. But I had Albanese (candy) and was up 2lbs, so it's tomatoes instead of potatoes this week."
THAT is my goal for normal. If I gain a pound or two, I want to accept it and make an immediate correction to lose them again. He had no guilt over the chocolates he ate. He doesn't do it all the time. And he enjoyed them enough to pay the price this week. That is what a normal relationship with food looks like. For me anyway. Until then, I'm trying to use the fear to keep myself in check.
 
I understand not wanting the fear of regain to rule your life and the desire to be able to just eat intuitively and not track or worry. I'd love to feel that way, but for myself, I'm not sure that's possible. I don't track, per se, but I really try to be disciplined. Of course I treat myself occasionally, but I too am concerned about letting what I've accomplished slide away. I guess part of me doesn't want to let that fear of regain go.

I see obesity like other chronic diseases, such as diabetes. I may not be heavy anymore, and my obesity is in remission, but it is still there, just like my diabetes. Both of those diseases are in submission, but they are waiting for an opportunity to take hold again. My biology will be forever primed to be obese and diabetic, regardless of the surgery, so I expect that I'll never be able to just be like other people who were never obese when it comes to food choices and such.

My choice to go almost entirely plant based and drastically change how I eat was part of my desire to really change it up and not eat anything like I was before. Is it going to work for me long term? I don't know. I hope so. I really enjoy how I eat now, so I'm motivated to continue.

This didn't address your question about getting over the fear of regain, though. I wish there was a good answer. I imagine we each have to deal with that demon in our own way. I guess my choice is that I use the fear to ensure I don't go back to the way I was. I can live with a little regain paranoia and feel really good about my health most of the time.
 
I think the answer is there is no answer, which completely sucks. As far as your cycle goes, traditionally did you have water weight gain? That could definitely add a couple pounds, then be gone as quickly as it appeared. I’ve been dealing with a lot of cycle irregularity, and it was messing with my mental state for a while because I was absolutely exhausted all the time. I tried finding answers in blood work and there were none to be found. My body just couldn’t keep up with what was happening, and I was doing too much physically. I’m not going to say it’s all better now, but it’s improving. I hope you’ll find some peace in knowing that our bodies fluctuate frequently, and while it’s difficult not to be stressed by gain, focus on what you’re doing right, and it sounds like you’re doing a lot right, and be proud of how far you’ve come.
 
3momchaos said:
I think the answer is there is no answer, which completely sucks. As far as your cycle goes, traditionally did you have water weight gain? That could definitely add a couple pounds, then be gone as quickly as it appeared. I’ve been dealing with a lot of cycle irregularity, and it was messing with my mental state for a while because I was absolutely exhausted all the time. I tried finding answers in blood work and there were none to be found. My body just couldn’t keep up with what was happening, and I was doing too much physically. I’m not going to say it’s all better now, but it’s improving. I hope you’ll find some peace in knowing that our bodies fluctuate frequently, and while it’s difficult not to be stressed by gain, focus on what you’re doing right, and it sounds like you’re doing a lot right, and be proud of how far you’ve come.
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No I actually don't gain with my cycles but this last one was about 3 weeks and super heavy and I feel like it actually made me lose. I'm not in a great place eating wise currently and struggling. I have decided that starting Monday I am going to go back to the liquid diet for 1-2 weeks.
 
Hi everyone.I.m not sure this is the right thread for this question but hope you can help me. I am having an emotional crisis about regrets of this surgery. I.m eight months out and have lost 70 lbs. I’m grieving the loss of food I think. Does it get better? I’m so scared I will never feel better again. Thanks for any responses.
 
Cheshirecat said:
Hi everyone.I.m not sure this is the right thread for this question but hope you can help me. I am having an emotional crisis about regrets of this surgery. I.m eight months out and have lost 70 lbs. I’m grieving the loss of food I think. Does it get better? I’m so scared I will never feel better again. Thanks for any responses.
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I think grieving the loss of food is 100% normal to some extent. I’m about 7 months out, so we aren’t far from each other. Especially during a holiday weekend like this, I see my family eating whatever they want, snacking whenever, and I’m honestly a little bummed about it. But then I remember why I had the surgery. Why I needed the surgery. What the surgery has given me that food cannot. I shift my focus from what I can’t have to what I can, and more than just in the food sense. This surgery has given me the opportunity to be more energetic, healthy, and most importantly I am aware of my food to body relationship more now than ever.
 
Cheshirecat said:
Hi everyone.I.m not sure this is the right thread for this question but hope you can help me. I am having an emotional crisis about regrets of this surgery. I.m eight months out and have lost 70 lbs. I’m grieving the loss of food I think. Does it get better? I’m so scared I will never feel better again. Thanks for any responses.
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First, the 70lbs lost is wonderful! Be proud and happy about that.

What food have you lost? You wrote that you were scared you would never feel better again, do you mean "better" because you'd be eating the food you are missing, or are you having issues with not feeling well/nausea or mental health etc.?

Choosing the right foods for our biology is paramount to feeling well. There is a very strong connection between our gut and brain. Most of the serotonin in our body is produced by our gut when it's being fed appropriately.

It may be that you need to adjust your diet to something that both makes you feel more satisfied and happy about what you are eating. It might not be what you are eating before, but it might be what your body is looking for and will respond positively to. Sometimes it takes some experimentation to find the right combination.
 
I feel that same loss sometimes. Not specifically because of not feeling well, just that it would be great to eat something that I don't feel stuffed after a third cup. The big plate of nachos with a margarita which I totally can't fit in my stomach just seems like so much fun, maybe just because I can't do it. I also feel like something must be wrong with me to say nachos are "fun". But the new body is great and I feel much better now. I did restart my workouts and I am actually enjoying them (Yay!) and you know what, it is MUCH EASIER at this weight and I think I will see results faster than 73 pounds ago. My mind is already "fake" seeing results.
I am not sure how to fill the void left by food but we must find something to fill it. The support of this group will take up a lot of space in the hole. I am terrible about shopping but a got a few new body products like a super nice sugar scrub that smells like Hawaii. Sometimes that caring for myself brings up my spirits when I am searching for a hole filler. Plus my skin took a beating with the endocrine changes, good side effect is still no arm or leg hair.
I think things will come into balance for us as time goes on.
 
Thanks everyone for the responses. I really appreciate it. I am having severe depression and anxiety from the decision to have this surgery and what that means everyday for me. The future seems so bleak without the food I was used to. I am miserable. I was in a psych. Unit for a week because of how I feel about the surgery and the aftermath. I feel I should have and could have done the weight loss on my own without the surgery. I was 370lbs. Pre-op. I try to think of it as taking my life back. But I just keep thinking this is a punishment for being so overweight for me.

I see how everyone I hear about who’ve gone through this surgery is taking this all in stride except for me. And they say how much they love it and would do it again And how much of a drastic weight loss they’ve had in a short time. I wish I would have known how I would react to this emotionally and psychologically. I only spoke to a psychiatrist once as part of the pre op process. The rest was about nutrition. I guess you can’t know until it happens. My expectations for how fast the weight would come off are disappointing. I’ve heard people who have lost double what I have at this point. I’m 70lbs down at month 8. I‘m following the dietician’s diet and count calories every time I put a bite of food in my mouth.

I feel like I have a completely new personality and it is excruciatingly uncomfortable to say the least. I was happy with My personality. Anyone else feel this way about their personality or have had a negative emotional response to the new way of life from this surgery? Please tell me I will adjust to this all over time. I’m 8 months post op. I know that’s a stupid question but I was hoping those who are ahead of me on their weight loss journey will be able to tell me there is a process to assimilating to a new life with bariatric post op over time and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope and pray things will get better and I will be happy with the results. I didn’t know about the seratonin levels in you stomach. I suffer from bipolar disorder and see a psychiatrist regularly. He changed the meds but it hasn’t worked yet or may never work. I see a psychologist next week. I just feel like I will feel this badly always and I will never be feeling good or normal in a good way again. I feel life is so bad. The counting calories is non stop.

If anyone could think of some kind words I would be most appreciative. I live second to second, minute to minute with this severe anxiety and depression over this and have so many regrets. My quality of life is terrible. Sorry to complain so much but I need help from those who have gone through it. No one else can come even close to understanding. Please tell me the second thoughts, etc. get better. -Please be kind.
 
I believe it’s extremely common to feel a personality shift after surgery. It might be temporary, or not. I find that wearing my mask helps me to feel more at ease in public, and at this point, it doesn’t have to do with the virus. I’m very confident and happy with my decision to have the surgery, but of course there are times when I wonder if it’s sustainable. I want it to be, so I’ll have to keep working at it. Do you have access to any counseling through your surgical center or elsewhere? A lot of people find counseling after surgery really helpful.
 
Cheshirecat said:
Thanks everyone for the responses. I really appreciate it. I am having severe depression and anxiety from the decision to have this surgery and what that means everyday for me. The future seems so bleak without the food I was used to. I am miserable. I was in a psych. Unit for a week because of how I feel about the surgery and the aftermath. I feel I should have and could have done the weight loss on my own without the surgery. I was 370lbs. Pre-op. I try to think of it as taking my life back. But I just keep thinking this is a punishment for being so overweight for me.

I see how everyone I hear about who’ve gone through this surgery is taking this all in stride except for me. And they say how much they love it and would do it again And how much of a drastic weight loss they’ve had in a short time. I wish I would have known how I would react to this emotionally and psychologically. I only spoke to a psychiatrist once as part of the pre op process. The rest was about nutrition. I guess you can’t know until it happens. My expectations for how fast the weight would come off are disappointing. I’ve heard people who have lost double what I have at this point. I’m 70lbs down at month 8. I‘m following the dietician’s diet and count calories every time I put a bite of food in my mouth.

I feel like I have a completely new personality and it is excruciatingly uncomfortable to say the least. I was happy with My personality. Anyone else feel this way about their personality or have had a negative emotional response to the new way of life from this surgery? Please tell me I will adjust to this all over time. I’m 8 months post op. I know that’s a stupid question but I was hoping those who are ahead of me on their weight loss journey will be able to tell me there is a process to assimilating to a new life with bariatric post op over time and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope and pray things will get better and I will be happy with the results. I didn’t know about the seratonin levels in you stomach. I suffer from bipolar disorder and see a psychiatrist regularly. He changed the meds but it hasn’t worked yet or may never work. I see a psychologist next week. I just feel like I will feel this badly always and I will never be feeling good or normal in a good way again. I feel life is so bad. The counting calories is non stop.

If anyone could think of some kind words I would be most appreciative. I live second to second, minute to minute with this severe anxiety and depression over this and have so many regrets. My quality of life is terrible. Sorry to complain so much but I need help from those who have gone through it. No one else can come even close to understanding. Please tell me the second thoughts, etc. get better. -Please be kind.
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I'm sorry you are having such a rough time with this. I can't really say I have any answers but wanted you to know that as you get further out and lose more weight (and you will lose more weight) that those feelings should subside. Many of us have periodic stalls or slowing down of weight loss and then all of a sudden the scale moves. It can be very frustrating, especially when you know you have been doing all you should be doing. Also, if your calorie intake is very low and/or you are exercising a lot, you may need to bump up your calories a bit. You might want to discuss this with your doctor.

Since you are on meds for bipolar disorder, are any of them prone to weight gain? My daughter who also has bipolar disorder has gained weight from her meds. Also, one of the medications I take for panic attacks leads to weight gain as well. It doesn't mean you shouldn't take them, it just means you should give yourself a little grace if it is a bit harder for you to lose. Don't compare yourself to someone else's weight loss or that can fuel your disappointment. 70 lbs is quite a lot to have lost and while I know you want it to be more, don't forget to be grateful for every one of the pounds gone!
 
I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't have any regrets, but I can totally understand being frustrated with the entire process. The idea that I have to pay such close attention to food all the time is a bit daunting. Actually, it's scary and kind of pisses me off, if we're throwing it all out there. (and we always are in this group!!)

I am wondering what kind of reactions you have/are receiving from your family and friends. I only ask because usually that whole "should have done it naturally" comes from others and not ourselves. Those of us who have undergone surgery usually realize that is not actually true. Very few people ever lose major weight and keep it off successfully. Hormones would have your body trying to gain that weight back every day, forever.

I had a very hard time for a while trying to get used to the "new me". And, I just felt completely cut off from who I was. It manifested as a "style" issue for me. It just felt like everything I knew about myself was shifting. The thing is we all have a mask we put on in public. Heavy people tend to be the "funny" one or embrace a larger than life persona to go with their large bodies. The first time I went into a grocery store and realized no one was paying any attention to me, no disgusted or pitying looks, not even a 2nd glance, because I just blended in, I came home and cried. I still couldn't tell you if they were happy or sad tears. It's all just STRANGE, right? But you are still you. Change is hard but people learn and grow (and shrink) every day. No one is the same as they were last year. Or the year before. And if they are .. that's really sad. Everyone should be trying to do better, be better, whatever that means for them.

The only actual advice I could give you is to keep seeing your therapist and try to just roll with it for a bit. It is a lot of change in a short period of time. Give yourself time to adjust. Acknowledge your feeling but try to work through them instead of allowing those thoughts to fester. And try to find something to inspire the joy that food used to bring you. You don't really miss food .. you still eat. You miss the feelings that food gave you.
 
missyinacage said:
I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't have any regrets, but I can totally understand being frustrated with the entire process. The idea that I have to pay such close attention to food all the time is a bit daunting. Actually, it's scary and kind of pisses me off, if we're throwing it all out there. (and we always are in this group!!)

I am wondering what kind of reactions you have/are receiving from your family and friends. I only ask because usually that whole "should have done it naturally" comes from others and not ourselves. Those of us who have undergone surgery usually realize that is not actually true. Very few people ever lose major weight and keep it off successfully. Hormones would have your body trying to gain that weight back every day, forever.

I had a very hard time for a while trying to get used to the "new me". And, I just felt completely cut off from who I was. It manifested as a "style" issue for me. It just felt like everything I knew about myself was shifting. The thing is we all have a mask we put on in public. Heavy people tend to be the "funny" one or embrace a larger than life persona to go with their large bodies. The first time I went into a grocery store and realized no one was paying any attention to me, no disgusted or pitying looks, not even a 2nd glance, because I just blended in, I came home and cried. I still couldn't tell you if they were happy or sad tears. It's all just STRANGE, right? But you are still you. Change is hard but people learn and grow (and shrink) every day. No one is the same as they were last year. Or the year before. And if they are .. that's really sad. Everyone should be trying to do better, be better, whatever that means for them.

The only actual advice I could give you is to keep seeing your therapist and try to just roll with it for a bit. It is a lot of change in a short period of time. Give yourself time to adjust. Acknowledge your feeling but try to work through them instead of allowing those thoughts to fester. And try to find something to inspire the joy that food used to bring you. You don't really miss food .. you still eat. You miss the feelings that food gave you.
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missyinacage said:
I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't have any regrets, but I can totally understand being frustrated with the entire process. The idea that I have to pay such close attention to food all the time is a bit daunting. Actually, it's scary and kind of pisses me off, if we're throwing it all out there. (and we always are in this group!!)

I am wondering what kind of reactions you have/are receiving from your family and friends. I only ask because usually that whole "should have done it naturally" comes from others and not ourselves. Those of us who have undergone surgery usually realize that is not actually true. Very few people ever lose major weight and keep it off successfully. Hormones would have your body trying to gain that weight back every day, forever.

I had a very hard time for a while trying to get used to the "new me". And, I just felt completely cut off from who I was. It manifested as a "style" issue for me. It just felt like everything I knew about myself was shifting. The thing is we all have a mask we put on in public. Heavy people tend to be the "funny" one or embrace a larger than life persona to go with their large bodies. The first time I went into a grocery store and realized no one was paying any attention to me, no disgusted or pitying looks, not even a 2nd glance, because I just blended in, I came home and cried. I still couldn't tell you if they were happy or sad tears. It's all just STRANGE, right? But you are still you. Change is hard but people learn and grow (and shrink) every day. No one is the same as they were last year. Or the year before. And if they are .. that's really sad. Everyone should be trying to do better, be better, whatever that means for them.

The only actual advice I could give you is to keep seeing your therapist and try to just roll with it for a bit. It is a lot of change in a short period of time. Give yourself time to adjust. Acknowledge your feeling but try to work through them instead of allowing those thoughts to fester. And try to find something to inspire the joy that food used to bring you. You don't really miss food .. you still eat. You miss the feelings that food gave you.
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Thanks for the advice. My family is not being particularly very understanding about my feelings. My mother is acting atrociously and can’t understand why I can’t adjust and cope with this better. She’s very cruel. It’s good to know that losing a significant amount of weight and keeping it off is very difficult and I do want to keep it off for good. This is one of the reasons I wanted to get this surgery. It’s good to know that you also felt a shift in getting to know the new you and feeling completely cut off from who you are. I feel like I am having an identity crisis. I’m 49 and the life I had before is all I knew and it feels just excruciating to change my personality when I didn’t want to. I thought I would still be ’Me’ , just have had the surgery and work on the weight loss. I did not want a new personality. I liked the one I had.

I’m glad you said ‘you are still you’ . I had a counselor say that to me and it really made me feel better. Did you find it uncomfortable to make that shift to the new you? Did you find it so emotionally hard? I just can’t seem to get past the change that this means for me. I’m traumatized by this all. I’ve been on a strict diet like this before, but I guess I’m finding it hard to realize the permanency of it. I just thought I’d roll with it better. I think you are right about ‘rolling with it’ until you catch up with getting used to it. It is a lot of change in a short amount of time. I will do my best to give myself time to adjust. I guess I want to feel better now , like we all do. I feel stupid I can’t adjust better. I am still in the thought process that I have some kind of choice to change my decision to do this surgery. But what’s done is done. Now comes the hard part. Coping with that decision. I do forget I can still eat and enjoy food. Just not as much and not the unhealthy kind. Maybe I’ll feel differently when I get closer to my goal weight and I can ease up on the diet a bit. Right now is hard because I don’t dare eat anything bad which makes it difficult to ever take a break from the diet and that feels so awful. It’s so restrictive and makes me feel claustrophobic.

I will be seeing a therapist next week and can’t wait. I need the reassurance I did the right thing and how to cope with it moving forward. She said over the phone last week that this is a trauma I’m experiencing and that I will be ok and happy with the results. I hope I will not feel this way my whole life. I think I will be going through the stages of grief until I can accept this decision and I think it will take years. I had no idea how traumatic it would be for me. I feel so defeated right now. Everyone wants me to get over it. I can’t believe how cruel people can be. They don’t understand. How could they? I feel so awful right now with no end in sight. So severely depressed and anxious. Thank you so much for your reply. I can’t tell you how much it helps me hearing from someone who understands what I’m going through. Thanks again.
 
Can I ask what your favorite parts of your personality were before surgery? I don’t think there’s “get over it” button, if there is apparently I missed the sign ups for one, so you can just tell those “get over it people” that they can get over themselves.
Everyone deals with this journey in different ways, and no one is guaranteed happiness because they’ve lost weight or changed their appearance. What were you hoping to gain from weight loss surgery?
 
Cheshirecat said:
Thanks everyone for the responses. I really appreciate it. I am having severe depression and anxiety from the decision to have this surgery and what that means everyday for me. The future seems so bleak without the food I was used to. I am miserable. I was in a psych. Unit for a week because of how I feel about the surgery and the aftermath. I feel I should have and could have done the weight loss on my own without the surgery. I was 370lbs. Pre-op. I try to think of it as taking my life back. But I just keep thinking this is a punishment for being so overweight for me.

I see how everyone I hear about who’ve gone through this surgery is taking this all in stride except for me. And they say how much they love it and would do it again And how much of a drastic weight loss they’ve had in a short time. I wish I would have known how I would react to this emotionally and psychologically. I only spoke to a psychiatrist once as part of the pre op process. The rest was about nutrition. I guess you can’t know until it happens. My expectations for how fast the weight would come off are disappointing. I’ve heard people who have lost double what I have at this point. I’m 70lbs down at month 8. I‘m following the dietician’s diet and count calories every time I put a bite of food in my mouth.

I feel like I have a completely new personality and it is excruciatingly uncomfortable to say the least. I was happy with My personality. Anyone else feel this way about their personality or have had a negative emotional response to the new way of life from this surgery? Please tell me I will adjust to this all over time. I’m 8 months post op. I know that’s a stupid question but I was hoping those who are ahead of me on their weight loss journey will be able to tell me there is a process to assimilating to a new life with bariatric post op over time and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope and pray things will get better and I will be happy with the results. I didn’t know about the seratonin levels in you stomach. I suffer from bipolar disorder and see a psychiatrist regularly. He changed the meds but it hasn’t worked yet or may never work. I see a psychologist next week. I just feel like I will feel this badly always and I will never be feeling good or normal in a good way again. I feel life is so bad. The counting calories is non stop.

If anyone could think of some kind words I would be most appreciative. I live second to second, minute to minute with this severe anxiety and depression over this and have so many regrets. My quality of life is terrible. Sorry to complain so much but I need help from those who have gone through it. No one else can come even close to understanding. Please tell me the second thoughts, etc. get better. -Please be kind.
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I don't have my surgery til July, but I am so impressed with the weight loss you have achieved. You are awesome! FYI my podiatrist has been so encouraging about my decision to do this surgery. When I asked his opinion about feeling guilty for using surgery when I could probably take the weight off on my own, he said bluntly, "if you could do it on your own, why haven't you lost the weight already?" That was a reality check to reassure me that this surgery was the right choice. Please give yourself credit for your hard work & hopefully you will find the positives far outweigh the negatives!
 
Cheshirecat said:
Thanks for the advice. My family is not being particularly very understanding about my feelings. My mother is acting atrociously and can’t understand why I can’t adjust and cope with this better. She’s very cruel. It’s good to know that losing a significant amount of weight and keeping it off is very difficult and I do want to keep it off for good. This is one of the reasons I wanted to get this surgery. It’s good to know that you also felt a shift in getting to know the new you and feeling completely cut off from who you are. I feel like I am having an identity crisis. I’m 49 and the life I had before is all I knew and it feels just excruciating to change my personality when I didn’t want to. I thought I would still be ’Me’ , just have had the surgery and work on the weight loss. I did not want a new personality. I liked the one I had.

I’m glad you said ‘you are still you’ . I had a counselor say that to me and it really made me feel better. Did you find it uncomfortable to make that shift to the new you? Did you find it so emotionally hard? I just can’t seem to get past the change that this means for me. I’m traumatized by this all. I’ve been on a strict diet like this before, but I guess I’m finding it hard to realize the permanency of it. I just thought I’d roll with it better. I think you are right about ‘rolling with it’ until you catch up with getting used to it. It is a lot of change in a short amount of time. I will do my best to give myself time to adjust. I guess I want to feel better now , like we all do. I feel stupid I can’t adjust better. I am still in the thought process that I have some kind of choice to change my decision to do this surgery. But what’s done is done. Now comes the hard part. Coping with that decision. I do forget I can still eat and enjoy food. Just not as much and not the unhealthy kind. Maybe I’ll feel differently when I get closer to my goal weight and I can ease up on the diet a bit. Right now is hard because I don’t dare eat anything bad which makes it difficult to ever take a break from the diet and that feels so awful. It’s so restrictive and makes me feel claustrophobic.

I will be seeing a therapist next week and can’t wait. I need the reassurance I did the right thing and how to cope with it moving forward. She said over the phone last week that this is a trauma I’m experiencing and that I will be ok and happy with the results. I hope I will not feel this way my whole life. I think I will be going through the stages of grief until I can accept this decision and I think it will take years. I had no idea how traumatic it would be for me. I feel so defeated right now. Everyone wants me to get over it. I can’t believe how cruel people can be. They don’t understand. How could they? I feel so awful right now with no end in sight. So severely depressed and anxious. Thank you so much for your reply. I can’t tell you how much it helps me hearing from someone who understands what I’m going through. Thanks again.
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It is wonderful that you can express your feelings so well and freely. That must help a bit. I hope you are feeling a little better. Hopefully you can get some resolution with your Mom, they do what they can with the emotional skills they have. My situation with mine was weird also so I can relate. They won't be here forever so it will be nice if she can rein in the cruelty and you can enjoy what time you have with her. This change is SO HUGE, you will adjust as time passes. The permanence is a biggie, I feel the same loss and confusion. I am also starting to think I just don't want to eat because it is only a third of a cup and I am just so over it. And I always have to be thinking how many calories are in something, probably should be able to do that easily by now, but before I just glossed over the calories and was fat. Don't push yourself too hard, take it slow and do "self-care" things, one thing that was a big plus for me was that when I put on lotion now I see how much smaller my body is and how the muscles are more prominent without all that extra fat. That reminds me of the good results we can obtain.
 
Cheshirecat said:
Hi everyone.I.m not sure this is the right thread for this question but hope you can help me. I am having an emotional crisis about regrets of this surgery. I.m eight months out and have lost 70 lbs. I’m grieving the loss of food I think. Does it get better? I’m so scared I will never feel better again. Thanks for any responses.
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This happened to me and I’m still trying to get slowly get through it but I’m only 2 1/2 weeks post op. Every day I’ve not only improved physically but mentally/emotionally which is JUST as important. Have you always felt this way since surgery or is this a new feeling? Are you just mostly struggling with not being able to eat what you want and how much? That kind of makes me sad but I also know that this is what got me here in the first place. I chose surgery bc I no longer trusted myself not to give up. I had tried and failed many times losing weight and the surgery is keeping me on track and more important my new stomach is helping to guide the way. I actually posted something very similar to this not long ago bc I was crying multiple times daily bc I just lost my “BFF” (food). Food will never be the same to me bc my relationship with it before was unhealthy even though it always made me happy. I needed to change something and it needed to be done fast bc I’m in my 30’s and the weight has caught up to me. My husband and kids deserve more out of me then just me sitting off to the side while they enjoy life. Even though it doesn’t seem like it (everything comes with a price), we have been given a second chance to fix what we have had wrong for quite some time. Im here if you need someone to talk to. Not sure if any of this was helpful but I just wanted you to know that you are NOT alone!
 
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