My husband had gastric bypass on June 24. Two days after he came home from hospital, he was eating fried egg, cottage cheese, lettuce with ranch dressing among other things. I would tell him he can eat that which led to arguments. During his first visit to surgeon after surgery, he told doctor he was vomiting and was asked if he was following the plan they gave him. He said yes at which time I informed doctor what he was eating. Doctor blasted him and told him not to waste his time if he wasn't going to follow the plan. Getting yelled at brought him to tears. When we got home, he proceeded to vomit for 4 hours. This scared him I think and he started to follow the plan. He has lost 40 pounds since surgery. The problem I'm now having with him is that he just doesn't stop putting foods that are allowed at this point and drinking. He will eat an entire can of soup, a package of frozen spinach, a can of veggies, and whatever else he's allowed. He does not follow the planned portion size. Since his surgery, I have not eaten but have followed the plan given to him thinking that by doing so, I'm supporting him. I'm obese myself so following this is also making me shed pounds. Each time I talk to him about his habits we wind up again in arguments. It got to a point where I told him I'm done and I'm not saying another word to him that I don't care what he does anymore. I'm thinking that he's just not handling this emotionally and that's why it's not stop eating. I'm at my wits end. I'm afraid that he is going to do more harm then good to himself. He was 344 at time of surgery. As I said, he has lost 40 pounds so I don't know if I'm worrying for nothing. I just don't know what to do anymore. He has a support group meeting, which is his first since surgery, on July 26. I was going to go but now I'm thinking what is the point....he doesn't listen to me anyway so why should I go. Sorry this is so long but I'm so frustrated and don't know what to do. Am I worrying needlessly? Help!!
Problems with my husband dealing with his gastric bypass. Herlp.
- Thread starter Sue Pee
- Start date
Sue Pee,
Gosh this is a lot of drama. I know it's hard when you love someone and you see they are doing harm to themselves But you have to let him do whatever it is he wants to do. You can't make someone follow the plan if they don't want to. For your sake, his sake and the sake of your marriage just let him find his own path. Remember you are his wife not his mother don't let yourself fall down that rabbit hole it will only bring you grief.
Keep up the plan for yourself if you can. But do it for you not him or anyone else. This way you will find success because it is for you.
Good luck and Best wishes, kt
Gosh this is a lot of drama. I know it's hard when you love someone and you see they are doing harm to themselves But you have to let him do whatever it is he wants to do. You can't make someone follow the plan if they don't want to. For your sake, his sake and the sake of your marriage just let him find his own path. Remember you are his wife not his mother don't let yourself fall down that rabbit hole it will only bring you grief.
Keep up the plan for yourself if you can. But do it for you not him or anyone else. This way you will find success because it is for you.
Good luck and Best wishes, kt
StinkerBelle
Member
Have you contacted the therapist that did his pre-surgical psychological evaluation?
Sounds like he is not coping with his decision, his emotions or his mental state of mind...
Talk to his surgeon ASAP about getting him some psychological help ASAP before he does some serious physical harm to himself that cannot be undone.. I hope he knows, understands and grasps the severe damage he can do to himself.
Crying about choices does not change the behavior it is only a way to manipulate others into believing we know we have done wrong..
Sounds like he is not coping with his decision, his emotions or his mental state of mind...
Talk to his surgeon ASAP about getting him some psychological help ASAP before he does some serious physical harm to himself that cannot be undone.. I hope he knows, understands and grasps the severe damage he can do to himself.
Crying about choices does not change the behavior it is only a way to manipulate others into believing we know we have done wrong..
kay boogie
Member
I know for me.... that having the surgery is more mental than physical.... If you never get the mental part in line.... you will always have trouble with the physical.... You're in my prayers!! 
kay boogie
Member
I love your profile!! you have done an excellent job in your weight loss since Nov 2013. I am 4 months out myself!! your weight loss is truly inspiring!!
StinkerBelle
Member
Hi Kay, Thank you very much. Youe doing great yourself... Keep up the great work.
All I can say is I have followed my plan outline to a tee.
I had a set back with my exercise routine back in January when I had to have my gallbladder taken out less than 2 months out from my Gastric By-pass. That was by far the worst surgey, painful and laid me out for a couple of weeks.
The best tip I can share is follow your surgeons plan...
The surgery is a tool NOT a magic cure all....
Drink lots of water and crystal light AND keep your protein intake up and you will do great.
Hope4today
Member
Sue,
The only thing we truly have control of is ourselves and the choices we make. Your spouse is choosing to engage in self sabotaging behaviors. It would be wise for him to go to therapy to explore why he is doing this but again, his choice. Keep moving forward. This is not an easy journey for any of us but we can use the tools we have to make it better. We are changing everyday. Positive choices for our life and health.
The only thing we truly have control of is ourselves and the choices we make. Your spouse is choosing to engage in self sabotaging behaviors. It would be wise for him to go to therapy to explore why he is doing this but again, his choice. Keep moving forward. This is not an easy journey for any of us but we can use the tools we have to make it better. We are changing everyday. Positive choices for our life and health.
Cheyenne
Active Member
Hi Hope,
Good answer.
I noticed this was your first post. WELCOME to the Forum!!!
Hopefully you will keep coming to this site often and keep helping other people who are seeking advice.
Cheyenne
Cheri Thornton-Conner
New Member
Not everyone is successful. Your hubby needs to see mental health with someone that understands this. The evaluator who did his pre-surgery consult would be good, if she/he does regular counseling, otherwise someone else. You don't have to take responsibility for his actions. You need to take care of yourself. Folks can get addicted to food just like they can be addicted to alcohol or drugs. The vomiting is from "dumping" since he is eating too much sugar and fatty foods. If he isn't careful, he could seriously hurt himself. This isn't a game, but he has to make his own choices. Big hugs for you...