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sabotage in the name of love

dianeseattle

dianeseattle

Member
I don't know about you, but man, did my siblings try to diminish and sabotage my weight loss. That's why I never told them about my surgery. I knew I'd just hear every day about how i'd cheated, and my weight loss didn't count because it was induced by surgery etc. I just saw this graphic posted on social media:

5586


In my case, the dysfunctional jerks who are my siblings (five sisters, two brothers except two sibs have now died) could NOT SHUT UP about my weight loss and insisting I was lying about how it happened when I told them (truthfully) that' I'd embarked on an eating plan that didn't include much sugar or fat and did include very pure protein and a gallon of water every day.

They tried so hard to trip me up. Because my family is so big (7 sibs, 70 first cousins, 18 pair of aunts/uncles), I just had to stop visiting them until they got over the novelty of finding a new way to shame me. They'd picked on my all my life--You're ugly, your nose is too big, you have a lisp, your teeth are crooked--you get it.

I still live far away from them and no longer take the initiative to visit them. They are welcome to visit me, but they never do, even when they come to Seattle to go shopping or see the sights. It used to hurt so much. But eventually I understood that I'd broken ranks and betrayed them, and that was all they could see. They were incapable of eating in a healthy manner, and once I broke ground, no way were they going to follow my example unless they could make it seem like I had copied them.

Anyone else here experience family/friend sabotage? If so, what were the reasons given? Did it happen in groups, like being ganged up on? Did you give in and start believing them?
 
Hi Diane, I'm so sorry to hear about the trauma you have experienced from your family members. One challenge I have post surgery is with my mother. She expresses her love through food, and she and I live together. She is constantly pushing food on me even after I remind her I have no physical room to eat any more. It's a daily struggle for me. She is a constant snacker and is overweight, but not severely obese, and is constantly offering me food. I don't think she is trying to sabotage me, but it's difficult for her to accept I can't partake with her. As for feeling ganged up on or true sabotage, I have worked in some extremely toxic environments that eventually left me completely exhausted and impact me even now. To this day, I do not trust anyone in a work environment and constantly anxious and feeling under threat after my past experiences. So I can relate.
 
thank you, mam. I'm going to offer you a foolproof solution but you're not going to like it.

When your mom "dishes you up," which is what she's doing, as if you're a child and can't detect a healthy portion,, just walk over to the garbage pail and scrape the food off into the can.

Now, you can modify this and just scrape off half. I think it's pretty much accepted that an "average" mother type can't STAND to see food go to waste and especially into the trash. You could scrape it back into the pot, or put it in the fridge. In any event, DON'T ACCEPT IT. If you didn't ask for it, don't accept it. Look bug-eyed shocked and say, "What's this?" in the most annoyed tone of voice.

Or be nice. "Oh, thanks Mom, you know, I'm gonna save this for later," or "I just ate" or "goodness, this is too much food for me!" There are so many things you can say that are not only inoffensive but grateful and loving.

Do this enough times and mom will have no human garbage can to dump food into.

Oh, I forgot, there's also the honest approach. "Mom, please don't serve me any more food. If I'm hungry,, I'll get it myself. If you bring it to me, I'm not going to eat it."

Sometimes living with your mother or father implies a parent/child dynamic exists. I think it's really impossible to break free of family and pretend theylre friends. But RESPECT goes both ways, and must be demanded. And they deserve your honesty, not your games.
 
I know I posted this before but my mother in law told me to save my "fat" clothes for when I gain my weight back! Well I'm 6 sizes down from there are my so called "fat" clothes are long gone and I have no intention of needing them again.
I have been blessed with a do over and am not going to blow it. Do I sometimes make unhealthy food choices ...yes I do but it's my choice at the moment and I enjoy it.

My sister who is still gaining weight even after her lapband told me I better get new bras, since my boobs are sagging (as she laughed). I'm sorry but I got nasty with her reminding her that hers aren't sagging as low as mine because of her middle belly they are resting on. I know I know it wasn't nice but if it's not my hair, my shoes, my shirt it's something and I wasn't in a take it and turn the cheek way.
I also get alot of how losing my weight is so easy because of my surgery but as we can all attest to there is nothing easy about this lifestyle chang for any of us.
 
I cant say I have anyone sabotaging me today, but husband’s snacks and food portions were hard to deal with, plus his heart/kidney diet was drastically different from my foods. It was not easy and did start taking a toll. 16 pounds worth. I can say this week was 3 pounds down I am happy.
 
I did not feel sabotaged per say. But my husband and mother were both overweight and against surgery. We've all heard it .. "Why can't you just do it 'naturally'?!?" So they continued to eat as normal and I was unable to do so. Actually even more so, because I wasn't cooking the same so they loved to get take out. Leaving me hungry and jealous lol

Since my surgery, my husband has had the sleeve and is down 119lbs. My mother was denied WLS, as she is in a wheelchair and is over 70, they didn't find her to be a good candidate. So, she's been eating only the portion sizes I eat and has lost about 40lbs.

Some people are jerks. And lets be honest; you already knew that about them. Those that truly love you will come around. It's a very large change for anyone who shares your life as well. It is an adjustment all around. And its not fair to expect everyone to change their lives because you have chosen to do so. Just like its not fair of them to expect you to stay the same. And so, we learn to navigate through the tough times by whatever means necessary.
 
dianeseattle said:
I don't know about you, but man, did my siblings try to diminish and sabotage my weight loss. That's why I never told them about my surgery. I knew I'd just hear every day about how i'd cheated, and my weight loss didn't count because it was induced by surgery etc. I just saw this graphic posted on social media:

View attachment 5586

In my case, the dysfunctional jerks who are my siblings (five sisters, two brothers except two sibs have now died) could NOT SHUT UP about my weight loss and insisting I was lying about how it happened when I told them (truthfully) that' I'd embarked on an eating plan that didn't include much sugar or fat and did include very pure protein and a gallon of water every day.

They tried so hard to trip me up. Because my family is so big (7 sibs, 70 first cousins, 18 pair of aunts/uncles), I just had to stop visiting them until they got over the novelty of finding a new way to shame me. They'd picked on my all my life--You're ugly, your nose is too big, you have a lisp, your teeth are crooked--you get it.

I still live far away from them and no longer take the initiative to visit them. They are welcome to visit me, but they never do, even when they come to Seattle to go shopping or see the sights. It used to hurt so much. But eventually I understood that I'd broken ranks and betrayed them, and that was all they could see. They were incapable of eating in a healthy manner, and once I broke ground, no way were they going to follow my example unless they could make it seem like I had copied them.

Anyone else here experience family/friend sabotage? If so, what were the reasons given? Did it happen in groups, like being ganged up on? Did you give in and start believing them?
Click to expand...
Yes I would keep it private, no one needs to know except your spouse. If anyone asks I just say I had a hernia operation, which I did have a hernia repaired along with the bypass surgery, so that’s all I say. I thinks people just want to complain something against you so it’s best not to disclose most things in your personal life bypass or otherwise.
 
I had to find solace in the fact losing weight means losing the fat of some friends/family. It took me years of self-reflection and counseling to get to this point. I am ready for the fake world to come out with praise and shame. It's not that I don't care what people think of me. It's more I know that it's impossible to make someone believe in me. So, I just think like the kids and "do me!" Nobody lives inside my body at this point but me. I am too old for foolishness. This is another step towards my revision!
 
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