Tell or Not Tell

[3momchaos]

I only told my husband and sister. My sister, who is overweight herself, has been making snide comments. I realize her actions are about her own insecurities, not me.

I now refuse to discuss my journey with her other than a generic "I'm ok."

It speaks volumes to a persons character when other people are snide about healthy life choices. We all know those types of people, and while we may love them because they’re family, they don’t know what we feel in our hearts is best for us. You’re doing right by you and that’s what’s important!

 

[JudyNY]

I only told my husband and sister. My sister, who is overweight herself, has been making snide comments. I realize her actions are about her own insecurities, not me.

I now refuse to discuss my journey with her other than a generic "I'm ok."

I'm sorry your sister isn't being supportive. I agree, I think her insecurities are preventing her from being more supportive. It's too bad but in a way I get it. Sometimes when you are overweight and hear other people doing well and losing there can be a bit of guilt for your own situation but sometimes jealousy that the other person is able to do something about it and succeeding. It may not be rational but I've had feeling like that myself at times. But there may be a silver lining and it might encourage her in a good way, at least we can hope.

 

[JudyNY]

I should have noted in the above post, that I'm not excusing any snide remarks. That I've never done nor would never do to someone intentionally, nor do I condone them. My point was that in the past, I would want to just fade away when conversations of diets came up. So while your sister may feel insecure or jealous, it doesn't give her the right to criticize. I kind of lost sight of the fact you said she was making the snide remarks. I think you are right about just not going into detail with her. We need to concentrate on our journey and filter out any negativity.

 

[GypsySoul]

My husband and sons know I’m in the process of having a gastric bypass and are all excited about it because they know I’m doing it 100% for my health and quality of life. I don’t intend to talk with anyone else about it and have asked my husband not to tell anyone either. He has a big, gossipy, judgmental family.

I’m not ashamed of my weight, my lack of ability to lose it through other means (diet/exercise w/out surgery), or my decision to have surgery, but after 30 years (I’m 54) of constant prejudice both by loved ones and strangers, I just don’t have any desire to discuss something so personal and that they can’t possibly understand. They’ll think they do, there will be congratulations and attempts to empathize, but I’m tired of making it okay for everyone else to have an opinion about my weight. So nope, I’m not talking to anyone about it until I absolutely have to.

 

[JudyNY]

My husband and sons know I’m in the process of having a gastric bypass and are all excited about it because they know I’m doing it 100% for my health and quality of life. I don’t intend to talk with anyone else about it and have asked my husband not to tell anyone either. He has a big, gossipy, judgmental family.

I’m not ashamed of my weight, my lack of ability to lose it through other means (diet/exercise w/out surgery), or my decision to have surgery, but after 30 years (I’m 54) of constant prejudice both by loved ones and strangers, I just don’t have any desire to discuss something so personal and that they can’t possibly understand. They’ll think they do, there will be congratulations and attempts to empathize, but I’m tired of making it okay for everyone else to have an opinion about my weight. So nope, I’m not talking to anyone about it until I absolutely have to.

Good for you GypsySoul! And welcome to the group!

 

[GypsySoul]

Good for you GypsySoul! And welcome to the group!

Thank you, Judy. I’m happy to be here!

 

[MiMi 2-6]

My immediate family and some of the people i work with know I'm having the surgery. I haven't received any negative reactions (although I thought my youngest daughter would give me some negative feedback).
I did have one lady at work asking me WHY I was doing it. She didn't think I looked too BIG. When I explained my health reasons for it she was like "OH, OK so long as you're doing it for health reasons and not just for looks!! lol
I've talked a little more in depth with the girl I work with the most. Kind of giving her a heads up about my 2 weeks of liquid diet. I might not be much fun to work with while doing that!!

 

[Jniz]

I have lost 50+ lbs. at least 4 times and every time the weight gain is inevitable for me. The shame of having someone look at me and look again multiple times after gaining 20 + lbs since our last meeting is more demoralizing as I grow older. I’m 60 now and with one knee replacement and exercise bulimia far less likely to be successful I have to do something different. And as most of you if not all of you have experienced different levels of societal reactions to obesity it can cut to the core of who we are; I am speaking for myself of course. I’m ashamed to say during my so-called normal weight periods in my life my judgement about obese people has ranged from kind, to pity, too harsh at best. Who am I to judge???

Much more to the story but, my wife and I are both have RYN surgery scheduled hopefully in the next several months covid permitting. We have agreed to keep this surgery private with the exception of a couple of close friends. For many of the reasons people in this strand have already shared. I remember years ago asking an acquaintance of mine about his wife’s weight loss 150+ lbs. In a hushed voice in what I perceived as an almost shameful response “she had the surgery she couldn’t do it on her own”. That really stuck with me and made me have a negative response to WLS for many years. A number of people over the years have ask me if I had they WLS during one of my 50+ lb weight losses and most weren’t ask in what I perceived as kind comment.

I really appreciate this strand it has made me pause an reflect on so many things!!

J