Keeping The Weight Off aka The Long Term Struggle

[missyinacage]

I see so many posts where people come in, struggling a year, 2, 5 and more, with maintaining the success they've had. And they immediately take off again. I feel this may be because the majority of our posts are pre op or first 6 months post op. I LOVE that we help the newbies succeed. But I'd like a spot for us "oldies" (sorry, guys!) to have a space to share our struggles without worrying about scaring off the beginners or being embarrassed that we're actually struggling or haven't been as successful as we had hoped.

I maintain my 5lb range and feel I have been overall successful. Still, I worry that I won't be able to long term. I struggle with late night snacks, less than ideal food choices and a love of iced coffee over water. I work waaay harder than I thought I would have to at maintenance and know many others struggle with it or even gaining. And so often our response is .. Do Better. Which fair, but also not kind, or supportive. So, if you're struggling long term, please share. It makes it easier to know I'm not the only one trying to force myself to suck down 64 oz of water instead of iced coffee and only succeeding about 80% of the time. And maybe those who show up with a weight gain 5 years out would feel comfortable enough to stay.

 

[dianeseattle]

I totally understand what you mean. I've bit my tongue out of fear of scaring a newbie. But a while back I did web searches relating to success or regain and there were so many scary stories.

At first I was judgmental about regainers, but then it happened to me. It was just a few pounds and I went right back to the first phase of post-op eating and easily went back to normal.

The self-talk that always works for me is reminding myself what I went through, in addition to how I wanted to kill myself all the time when I was at my highest weight.

Its either going to work or it's not. The real key is you and what you want. And following the post-op food phases puts everything back in place. I had a doctor check me to see if still had a small pouch, and I do. So if I need to cut back, I can barely take two bites without feeling stuffed.

THE STOMACH CANNOT STRETCH from overeating. Do a web search, as I have. So you forever have the potential to stay at your post-op weight. This is so important. If you believe you can stretch your stomach, you are showing a lack of faith in the surgery. Your pouch is your tool. Let it work for you.

The hard part is self-talk. Practice affirmations every day. I'm almost 15 years out now, and even with the COVID 20 I gained, I knew it was temporary. I've almost taken it all off now.

Since I'm now facing the loss of looks because I'm over 70, controlling my weight and health is more important than anything. Thank God for my pouch!

 

[eladams2015]

I see this a lot as well. I have had some of the same worries off and on with regard to the long-term success. I think that some of my setbacks (having a LapBand erode/port flip, then my revision to sleeve causing the inability to eat anything "normally"), which did cause weight gain really messed with my mental fortitude. Looking at those things for what they are, understanding that the gain was a symptom of a temporary situation and then moving on from that has been helpful. Making healthier choices outside of the realm of food also helps me. I spend much more time listening to my body now and eating more intuitively instead of focusing so much on the food itself. As a whole, my family eats pretty healthily - we have to - I have a child that cannot have sugar and a husband with coronary artery disease. My "diet" is pretty much handled by watching what I make for them. And I don't really consider us to be "on a diet" - I don't bring processed sugar in and I make a lot from scratch because so many pre-made items have SOO much sodium. We have a garden at home now, so I grow my own veggies and herbs, a lot of my own fruits. I am trying to figure out a way around the deed restrictions of our development to have chickens so I can have organic eggs, LOL.

All this to say that I feel many of us have these concerns and fears - you are not alone!! I am all for having a section of this site or on some other format that is for the "old timers" to chat about longer term concerns.

 

[missyinacage]

Thanks for your responses. I truly feel so grateful to have this group and while my success is my own, I am not sure I could have been this successful without all of you. I personally know people who have gained the weight back and those who didn't lose as much as they want and struggle daily to just maintain a weight that they don't even want to be at. And we see so many come through here, embarrassed and ashamed, I'd like to see them stick around. I think the 2 of you hit the nails on the head with a few really good points.

Self-Talk! It can be the worst thing that ever happens to you. Repeating all those things the world tells you when you're overweight; you're weak, lazy, disgusting etc is a hard habit to break. And it's so easy to find new reasons to hate yourself or your body. (Saggy knees for example lol) I saw a comedian once say "How am I fucking up your SELF esteem?!? It has the word SELF in it!" And while we all know the answer to that, I try to talk myself up to myself. If I wouldn't say it to my kid, I try not to say it to me. That should be the rule; If you would not say it to you loved one; do not say it to yourself!

And the freaking word DIET should be banned; they've ruined it. We were all taught that fat is bad. Carbs are bad. Cholesterol? Bad. Remember when they told us to stop eating eggs? They add all these chemicals and sodium to our food and then tell us to worry about eggs?! I do not deny myself any food, not a single one. But once I started eating healthier (So jealous of your gardening skills El!!) I just don't like all those processed, sugar-y, salty foods so much anymore.

The relationships we have with ourselves and with food are lifelong. Like death and taxes, you cannot escape them. So it's no wonder that they take so much work.

 

[WazzuCoug]

Physically, I still feel wonderful, energetic and so very happy for making the decision I made. My quality of life has gotten exponentially better compared to pre-surgery. It definitely hasn't been without struggle, though. There is rarely a day that doesn't go by where at some point I think about "what if" I gain the weight back. Sometimes, I go through periods of time when I look at myself in the mirror and it feels as if I've gained it all back, although I haven't. Sometimes I see my old face in the mirror or think I'm regaining it all, even though I haven't.

As I close in on two years post-op, it's been a larger mental battle than the physical battle for me. I gained some weight back after hitting my nadir but have been steady and in a good place, and I'm still within the "average" body fat mass zone. That is where I intend to stay.

Stress and the temptation to emotionally eat has been the biggest battle for me. Between some pretty insane work stress and some personal stress, I've had to reach out often for professional support. One of the best things I've done recently was to start learning and doing some meditation, which has helped me a great deal.

My sleep hasn't been great since the surgery without some sort of sleep aid. I started some nighttime meditations and it's been borderline miraculous for me in that area. It's also reduced my stress, which I think has also helped me make good decisions more often than not.

Winter also takes a toll as my activity goes down quite a bit, but now that spring is here I'm doing a lot more outside work and walking/hiking. That also helps me feel a bit more balanced.

I don't drink enough water as I should. I know that also contributes to "false hunger" when I probably just need to get hydrated better.

I continue to be plant-based and love it, but I can certainly make bad plant-based choices if I let myself.

It is very easy to see that it wouldn't take too much to slide into a cycle of poor decisions. Speaking for myself, I know I will have to be extremely diligent for the rest of my life to ensure I stay where I want to stay. It's not easy.

 

[Ange6012]

Hi, this is exactly what I want to see as a newbie. My surgery is scheduled for May 23rd and I want to know who struggles, what those are and how you deal with them, so that I don't feel like a failure when the struggles happen.
I hate water and tgat is my biggest dread. But Mio has a tangerine flavor that has B vitamins as well and isopure has a clear powder that once it mixes and clears it also has protein and to me tastes like grapefruit juice. Those are some of the things I use to help.

 

[rjbj]

Hi, this is exactly what I want to see as a newbie. My surgery is scheduled for May 23rd and I want to know who struggles, what those are and how you deal with them, so that I don't feel like a failure when the struggles happen.
I hate water and tgat is my biggest dread. But Mio has a tangerine flavor that has B vitamins as well and isopure has a clear powder that once it mixes and clears it also has protein and to me tastes like grapefruit juice. Those are some of the things I use to help.

I've been drinking a lot of Powerade zero.

 

[NewChallenge]

Thank you missyinacage for starting this. I am just at my year next week. I am still doing fine. But I am at the point of being kind of scared about putting it back on.

I did not lose as much as I wanted but I am happy and my bloodwork is all good. I am not pre anything. (happy to say)

 

[Ange6012]

Physically, I still feel wonderful, energetic and so very happy for making the decision I made. My quality of life has gotten exponentially better compared to pre-surgery. It definitely hasn't been without struggle, though. There is rarely a day that doesn't go by where at some point I think about "what if" I gain the weight back. Sometimes, I go through periods of time when I look at myself in the mirror and it feels as if I've gained it all back, although I haven't. Sometimes I see my old face in the mirror or think I'm regaining it all, even though I haven't.

As I close in on two years post-op, it's been a larger mental battle than the physical battle for me. I gained some weight back after hitting my nadir but have been steady and in a good place, and I'm still within the "average" body fat mass zone. That is where I intend to stay.

Stress and the temptation to emotionally eat has been the biggest battle for me. Between some pretty insane work stress and some personal stress, I've had to reach out often for professional support. One of the best things I've done recently was to start learning and doing some meditation, which has helped me a great deal.

My sleep hasn't been great since the surgery without some sort of sleep aid. I started some nighttime meditations and it's been borderline miraculous for me in that area. It's also reduced my stress, which I think has also helped me make good decisions more often than not.

Winter also takes a toll as my activity goes down quite a bit, but now that spring is here I'm doing a lot more outside work and walking/hiking. That also helps me feel a bit more balanced.

I don't drink enough water as I should. I know that also contributes to "false hunger" when I probably just need to get hydrated better.

I continue to be plant-based and love it, but I can certainly make bad plant-based choices if I let myself.

It is very easy to see that it wouldn't take too much to slide into a cycle of poor decisions. Speaking for myself, I know I will have to be extremely diligent for the rest of my life to ensure I stay where I want to stay. It's not easy.

Hi Bill, very real thank you. It is my fear as I approach my surgery date. I stress eat as well. Even with my band it was a struggle.

Can I ask, what sort of issues have you had with sleep, do you know why you started having issues since your surgery?

 

[WazzuCoug]

Can I ask, what sort of issues have you had with sleep, do you know why you started having issues since your surgery?

I don't know the exact reason. It may be more correlation than causation, but I know some people experience sleep issues after surgery. I can't say it was the cause, however. I work in Public Safety, so stress is fairly high in my profession, to begin with, and the last two years have had quite an impact on everyone (regardless of profession, obviously). For me, it manifested as very troublesome sleep patterns.

For stress eating, if I really need to have something, I still try to make as healthy of a choice as I can...veggies and such, but I'm also human and have a less than healthy treat. I have to make a very conscious and deliberate decision about my choices when I'm stressed, and sometimes that is difficult. I feel that I make more good decisions than bad ones, and my family is good about ensuring we don't have a bunch of junk in the house. Surrounding yourself with the best possible food makes it easier to stay on track. Once you start getting "special" foods back in the pantry for "special" occasions, that opens up the door to sliding backward. You can't rely on the restriction or small stomach...it's all about food choices.

For sleep and stress, I started using the "Calm" app on my phone, and for me, it's been a Godsend. I'm sure it doesn't work for everyone, but it's made a huge difference for me.

Ryan

 

[Ange6012]

Thank you Ryan for responding. I don't get much sleep usually, so thank you for the heads up.
My husband's family is in in law enforcement and I am a former EMT, so yes I get the job stress.
But it seems you are very concious of what you are doing and I appreciate that. It will keep me mindful of what I will need to do.
I'm not a huge sweet eater but it seems everytime I say that I contradict it by craving sweet lol.
I'm looking forward to my journey I am nervous but I was when I had my band placed as well. I think I did well. Pretty much maintained once I lost.
I am more looking forward to not having stomach pain and burning more than anything and am ready for the preop to start

 

[JudyNY]

I have been struggling with how to answer this thread because I feel like I have fallen in a dark hole and can't get myself out. I really don't know what is wrong with me. I know better and get through most of the day fine but it all falls apart at night. It's like a whole other person emerges, the old me.

What everyone has been worried about is happening to me. I have regained 40+ pounds. At times I can take off some of it but it always seems it comes back so fast and then more. Today I am going back to basics. It's not like I don't know what I need to do but I can't seem to follow through. I haven't been in a good place mentally and it is taking its toll.

I have been hard on myself lately hoping that will get me back on track but it just backfires and then I start feeling like I can't do this. I need major inspiration and need to think positively. So much negative stuff at home and in the world doesn't help but I can't use it as an excuse as there will always be something.

 

[Gerger]

I see so many posts where people come in, struggling a year, 2, 5 and more, with maintaining the success they've had. And they immediately take off again. I feel this may be because the majority of our posts are pre op or first 6 months post op. I LOVE that we help the newbies succeed. But I'd like a spot for us "oldies" (sorry, guys!) to have a space to share our struggles without worrying about scaring off the beginners or being embarrassed that we're actually struggling or haven't been as successful as we had hoped.

I maintain my 5lb range and feel I have been overall successful. Still, I worry that I won't be able to long term. I struggle with late night snacks, less than ideal food choices and a love of iced coffee over water. I work waaay harder than I thought I would have to at maintenance and know many others struggle with it or even gaining. And so often our response is .. Do Better. Which fair, but also not kind, or supportive. So, if you're struggling long term, please share. It makes it easier to know I'm not the only one trying to force myself to suck down 64 oz of water instead of iced coffee and only succeeding about 80% of the time. And maybe those who show up with a weight gain 5 years out would feel comfortable enough to stay.

I had my surgery in July of 2003-- almost 20 years ago now with a high weight of 304 lbs and a low weight of 125 lbs at 5'5". Currently, I am struggling with having gained about 50 lbs which I must admit started around 4 months prior to the pandemic. During the course of my journey, I became vegetarian after my cholesterol began to rise due to consuming animal products and my general practitioner suggesting "You might want to try a statin medication." Instead of doing this, I followed a friend's advice and began to eat 80% vegan and the other 20% however I wanted. Well, the weight began to fall off easily on the vegan lifestyle with small amounts of carbs eaten. I had such success my general practitioner during my yearly follow-up physical asked if I was taking statins. When I replied "No" she said continue to do what I am doing.

My concern now is that I fell way off track once we went to lockdown and and working to get myself back to where I need to be. Anyone else 20 years post surgery on this thread? Thanks!

 

[Nonnylove]

I had gastric bypass in May of 2001 and I have gained 50-60 lbs back. I yo-yo back and forth and find myself struggling to keep food out of my mouth. I am ashamed and don't tell anyone I have had the surgery. It is embarrassing because some people just don't understand and I figure it is none of their business. I never really get hungry but have an empty feeling. I struggle to stop eating when I am full. I am so thankful so see other people that are 20 years out also have this issue. Thank you for sharing.

 

[KarenWV]

I have been struggling with how to answer this thread because I feel like I have fallen in a dark hole and can't get myself out. I really don't know what is wrong with me. I know better and get through most of the day fine but it all falls apart at night. It's like a whole other person emerges, the old me.

What everyone has been worried about is happening to me. I have regained 40+ pounds. At times I can take off some of it but it always seems it comes back so fast and then more. Today I am going back to basics. It's not like I don't know what I need to do but I can't seem to follow through. I haven't been in a good place mentally and it is taking its toll.

I have been hard on myself lately hoping that will get me back on track but it just backfires and then I start feeling like I can't do this. I need major inspiration and need to think positively. So much negative stuff at home and in the world doesn't help but I can't use it as an excuse as there will always be something.

Hey Judy, you are an inspiration to me now and always ❤❤❤❤. I know you have written about some of your family situations that have brought chaos into your life. Having that to deal with makes staying on track so incredibly difficult.

Is there a particular food or food type that is contributing to your night time food attacks? Can you try avoiding that aisle when shopping, and find something else that fills that snacking need. Even if it's popcorn, or veggies and guacamole, or some string cheese, etc., you might find a tasty substitute to reach for.

I know you've got this. You've already achieved SO MANY VICTORIES, lady, my friend, our go to guru! You have the tools, and you'll find your way when you are ready. Love you Judy!!!

 

[dianeseattle]

The surgery itself won't result in magical weight loss. I recommend vaporizing the negative thoughts with affirmations.

It takes work but it's worth it.

Take a blank page in your journal or any sheet of paper and draw a vertical line down the center to make two columns.

In the first column write a negative thought like "I am ashamed." Then move to the second column and write "I'm proud of myself."
Keep doing this over and over until the page is full. As you write, allow your emotions to attach to each statement.

Theoretically you can change your deep-seated negative thought to the positive one, or at least take the power away from the negative.

I learned this in "The Only Diet There Is," which is adiet from negative thinking.

 

[JudyNY]

Hey Judy, you are an inspiration to me now and always ❤❤❤❤. I know you have written about some of your family situations that have brought chaos into your life. Having that to deal with makes staying on track so incredibly difficult.

Is there a particular food or food type that is contributing to your night time food attacks? Can you try avoiding that aisle when shopping, and find something else that fills that snacking need. Even if it's popcorn, or veggies and guacamole, or some string cheese, etc., you might find a tasty substitute to reach for.

I know you've got this. You've already achieved SO MANY VICTORIES, lady, my friend, our go to guru! You have the tools, and you'll find your way when you are ready. Love you Judy!!!

Thank you so much Karen, that means a lot to me. I really challenged myself yesterday and did quite well but got together with my brother in-law and a family friend for lunch today, so I just tried to do my best . Then we went to my granddaughter's track meet and froze for a couple of hours, but it was enjoyable. Snacked on some cheese and nuts and walked a bit during the track meet going around the different events. But I will remind myself that it doesn't mean the rest of the day I shouldn't be careful, so for dinner I had a protein shake and an apple.

As for foods that I shouldn't have in the house, it's hard when hubby wants certain things. Otherwise I wouldn't buy that stuff. I am at the point where I may have to tell him if he wants it he has to buy it, and put it somewhere out of my vision! But I think the real problem is getting firm with myself and don't eat anything after dinner.

I will be going back to my surgeon for my yearly check-in the beginning of July. I was looking at their website and noticed that they offer some other things besides surgery now, one of which is close monitoring with a nutritionist and seeing a behavioral health specialist. I think that is something I need so I will discuss with them at that time.

 

[JudyNY]

The surgery itself won't result in magical weight loss. I recommend vaporizing the negative thoughts with affirmations.

It takes work but it's worth it.

Take a blank page in your journal or any sheet of paper and draw a vertical line down the center to make two columns.

In the first column write a negative thought like "I am ashamed." Then move to the second column and write "I'm proud of myself."
Keep doing this over and over until the page is full. As you write, allow your emotions to attach to each statement.

Theoretically you can change your deep-seated negative thought to the positive one, or at least take the power away from the negative.

I learned this in "The Only Diet There Is," which is adiet from negative thinking.

I will give it a try. And I forgot about that book. I'm ashamed to admit I bought it but had so many books at the time I put it away and neglected to read it. I will go dig it out now.

 

[missyinacage]

Ryan, good to hear from you! I always look forward to getting your take, which seems similar to mine but less emotionally dramatic lol Ah, well, I am who I am I was also super happy to see a few new people sharing their long-term experiences. Even if, NO especially if, they are struggling.

Pardon my French, but this shit is HARD. It's hard to get over all the mental attraction that food holds. After all, the majority of us who end up having WLS spent many years in a vicious cycle of dieting, cheating, berating ourselves: losing weight, gaining weight hating not only our bodies but sometimes, ourselves. I really wish more WLS programs had behavioral health specialists or therapist attached to them. It would be amazing to have a therapist available who specializes in WLS and the unique struggles that come along with it. I'm going to suggest that to my program.

I'm currently maintaining and feel amazing, at just under 2 years post op. I expect to gain a few pounds back, as the majority of WLS patients do and I have no reason to believe I'm better than the statistics. And yet when I hit the "high" on my self-determined 5lb range, I have to force myself to avoid the "you're screwing this up" panic. And that's at 5lbs. So, I can totally understand how hard it would be if it was 30+ that some of you are struggling with.

It's hard to find the sweet spot between giving yourself a hard time and holding yourself accountable. I am currently trying to not say anything to myself that I would not say to my kid (He's 32 and my only one so yes, KID lol). He's does pretty well for himself, but he does not always make the best decisions, and sometimes what's "wrong" with his life is his own fault. So, pretty much like the rest of humanity lol But I would never be like "You're a loser! Get your shit together!" Even in my head!! Instead, I say things like "What can you do to fix that? Do you need some help?" So, why don't I treat myself that well?

Why don't we all?

 

[Meover50]

I love this stream you guys! Though I am a newbie I didn’t go into this with magical thinking. This is what I need to hear to remind me to stay diligent and really work on my inner voice. Thanks you for the two column exercise suggestion for combating negative thoughts. I had (have cuz this phase post surgery will end) issues with late night snacking when I’m bored too. I’ve gotta keep working to set myself up for continued success in the long run. Thank you so much for the reminder that this surgery is not a magic wand. I didn’t even know I needed to listen in on this conversation today. You all are helping me