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Keeping The Weight Off aka The Long Term Struggle

I wonder where in each of us that key moment lies when we shift from one way of living to another. I knew I had sleep apnea and couldn’t wait for my CPAP then felt trapped by it and refused to wear it for 3+ years. Then my health coach said something super simple but it changed my mindset. I spent six months sending my sister screenshots of how long I’d worn it to reassure her and reinforce the habit for me. At some point my app stopped working but by then it was an entrenched habit. My other pivotal moment came while running for public office. One particular evening was so stressful that as I looked at the Cheeto I was about to eat I realized it could do nothing at all to help my situation. Again, it was simple but profound. I needed admin help, PR help, a researcher, etc. a piece of food, however tasty, would never be able to fill any of those roles. Change is so personal. You never know when the moment is going to come that changes everything. I think we must be kind to ourselves while making this journey. The first few years after I had cancer, I was obsessed and extremely fearful it would come back. Over time, while I still have to deal with meds & side effects daily, the fear melted away. I hope the re-gain anxiety will follow that same path.
 
dianeseattle said:
i think it's a real hindrance that overeating isn't classified as a bona fide eating disorder. If we didn't have an eating disorder, we'd eat normally and never gain unhealthy weight.

And there's so much shame attached to it because not only do we know it on the inside, but it shows on the outside. And for some reason people don't seem to restrain their comments, as if telling you you're fat is constructive criticism.

sounds like you've got a lot going on, but you've got 20 years of seniority in body image & weight loss. I had RYGB 15 years ago and have maintained a mostly normal weight ever since. I just joined the YMCA today on a scholarship (senior citizen & poor) and can't wait to get my Y backpack all set up so I can run up there any time I feel motivated to work out & then veg out in the spa.
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Reading about how others feel compelled at times to comment on our size, made me think of early May this year, pre-surgery for me, we were at a family wedding and watching two great nephews while their mom got ready for the wedding. The 5 year old looked me over and said, "you're Thicc". I knew enough that this was a slang term and figured he was saying I was fat. I asked his 10 year old brother nevertheless. He said that his little brother was describing me as big, curvy and sexy. Ha! LOL!
 
KAT in PA said:
Reading about how others feel compelled at times to comment on our size, made me think of early May this year, pre-surgery for me, we were at a family wedding and watching two great nephews while their mom got ready for the wedding. The 5 year old looked me over and said, "you're Thicc". I knew enough that this was a slang term and figured he was saying I was fat. I asked his 10 year old brother nevertheless. He said that his little brother was describing me as big, curvy and sexy. Ha! LOL!
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My hubby has been upset since my surgery. Asking why I felt the need to do this when I was just fine the way I was.
Well the other night we were sitting in the livingroom. With his mom and they are talking about his sister and her hubby. And they kept commenting on his weight and what he isn't capable of doing. Then same night our neighbors daughter and husband were outside and hubby says to me " look how big she got! Wow! I bet he doesn't work". I said why not he goes " he can barely move what could he possibly do"

I turned and looked at him and said. That's it. Right there! He said what. I said how you and your family who by the way are no thin mints, talk about everyone who is fat, what you think they can and cannot do. Do not EVER ask me why I chose to to this when im so perfect. That to my face what do you all say when I'm not around
 
Ange6012 said:
My hubby has been upset since my surgery. Asking why I felt the need to do this when I was just fine the way I was.
Well the other night we were sitting in the livingroom. With his mom and they are talking about his sister and her hubby. And they kept commenting on his weight and what he isn't capable of doing. Then same night our neighbors daughter and husband were outside and hubby says to me " look how big she got! Wow! I bet he doesn't work". I said why not he goes " he can barely move what could he possibly do"

I turned and looked at him and said. That's it. Right there! He said what. I said how you and your family who by the way are no thin mints, talk about everyone who is fat, what you think they can and cannot do. Do not EVER ask me why I chose to to this when im so perfect. That to my face what do you all say when I'm not around
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there are so many important issues we should be addressing in politics and lifestyle and morality. commenting on weight when no illness is involved is crude and tasteless. even if the comment seems like a compliment, it's not. we have no business taking other's inventories. ever.
 
Ange6012 said:
My hubby has been upset since my surgery. Asking why I felt the need to do this when I was just fine the way I was.
Well the other night we were sitting in the livingroom. With his mom and they are talking about his sister and her hubby. And they kept commenting on his weight and what he isn't capable of doing. Then same night our neighbors daughter and husband were outside and hubby says to me " look how big she got! Wow! I bet he doesn't work". I said why not he goes " he can barely move what could he possibly do"

I turned and looked at him and said. That's it. Right there! He said what. I said how you and your family who by the way are no thin mints, talk about everyone who is fat, what you think they can and cannot do. Do not EVER ask me why I chose to to this when im so perfect. That to my face what do you all say when I'm not around
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Exactly!! The judgements made are real and constant. I did this for me, but it's not without considering those who depend upon me. But those are MY feelings about what I want for me, not someone else telling me I need to be more/do more. I want to be the healthiest version of myself after this re-set, committed to making this tool work for me long term. I'm 55, I hope to have many more good decades ahead to be active, productive, and maybe one day a grandma who can get on the floor to play with grandbabies, chase them around, etc. I'm not without my own faults in this area, but I am not one to verbalize and gossip. My brother is also very heavy (thank you genetics) and he visited for a weekend after my surgery. I was very aware of my thoughts about what he was eating, his portion sizes, and how his eating habits are impacting his health. I would never say anything to him but I was surprised at my own judgmental thoughts and need to be a positive example and supportive to him for who he chooses to be.
 
JudyNY said:
I have been struggling with how to answer this thread because I feel like I have fallen in a dark hole and can't get myself out. I really don't know what is wrong with me. I know better and get through most of the day fine but it all falls apart at night. It's like a whole other person emerges, the old me.

What everyone has been worried about is happening to me. I have regained 40+ pounds. At times I can take off some of it but it always seems it comes back so fast and then more. Today I am going back to basics. It's not like I don't know what I need to do but I can't seem to follow through. I haven't been in a good place mentally and it is taking its toll.

I have been hard on myself lately hoping that will get me back on track but it just backfires and then I start feeling like I can't do this. I need major inspiration and need to think positively. So much negative stuff at home and in the world doesn't help but I can't use it as an excuse as there will always be something.
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Thank you for this post. I made a decision to start looking for some support today and I came across your words. I feel like they were my words and it was the push I needed to make some changes. I hate how I feel lately and never thought I would be back to this place of hating how I look and feel. I have gained 40 pounds and I need to get back on track. Thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone in this struggle.
 
KAT in PA said:
Exactly!! The judgements made are real and constant. I did this for me, but it's not without considering those who depend upon me. But those are MY feelings about what I want for me, not someone else telling me I need to be more/do more. I want to be the healthiest version of myself after this re-set, committed to making this tool work for me long term. I'm 55, I hope to have many more good decades ahead to be active, productive, and maybe one day a grandma who can get on the floor to play with grandbabies, chase them around, etc. I'm not without my own faults in this area, but I am not one to verbalize and gossip. My brother is also very heavy (thank you genetics) and he visited for a weekend after my surgery. I was very aware of my thoughts about what he was eating, his portion sizes, and how his eating habits are impacting his health. I would never say anything to him but I was surprised at my own judgmental thoughts and need to be a positive example and supportive to him for who he chooses to be.
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Kat, I am 56, did this for me and my health as well. Want to participate in life and be able to do things with my family I could not.
Some people as hurtful and uncaring as it is do not even realize how verbally judgemental they are being. I call them out for judging when they do not know the circumstances surrounding the person or their journey. I'm all about someone's individual journey, they are living it, and feeling it and no one has tge right to judge.
 
I saw a comedy routine 1 time that said "how am I messing with your SELF esteem?!? Its how you feel about your SELF." And while we all know the answer to that is complicated, I decided to take it to heart. You might hurt my feelings if you say something mean about me, but I do not internalize other peoples issues.

Judging others is usually done by people trying to feel superior. I try to always look inward. Maybe someone could really use to loses few pounds/drink less/read a damn book or whatever. But the fact is, I am more interested in my OWN improvement.

So if someone judges you, try to remember they are actually just avoiding judging themselves. Its easy to judge others. Its hard to work on yourself. If people would worry more about themselves and less about others the world would be a much better place!
 
missyinacage said:
I saw a comedy routine 1 time that said "how am I messing with your SELF esteem?!? Its how you feel about your SELF." And while we all know the answer to that is complicated, I decided to take it to heart. You might hurt my feelings if you say something mean about me, but I do not internalize other peoples issues.

Judging others is usually done by people trying to feel superior. I try to always look inward. Maybe someone could really use to loses few pounds/drink less/read a damn book or whatever. But the fact is, I am more interested in my OWN improvement.

So if someone judges you, try to remember they are actually just avoiding judging themselves. Its easy to judge others. Its hard to work on yourself. If people would worry more about themselves and less about others the world would be a much better place!
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Love this!
 
I did not go into the decision to have VSG surgery with the "magical" thinking some have referenced, either. Shared experiences was the reason I joined this site before surgery. Since having my surgery on 2/15/2022, I haven't been on here much because I wasn't seeing the struggles I was dealing with addressed. I hadn't seen anything about the "3 week stall" that many people experience. Then when I hit it, I was so discouraged because I thought I was doing something wrong. That stall lasted for just over a month before it broke. Now I'm 4 months post-op and at another stall where the weight is coming off at maybe a pound a week or less. Those types of struggles aren't really shared here, just the successes. Maybe some advice about the first few weeks post-op, as I know we "newbies" have a lot of questions. We appreciate your help during those uncertain times immensely! However, we ALSO need to hear the struggles in order to know what we could possibly experience. We need to learn from the wisdom of those who have gone before us. We need to know that it's normal to have stalls, gains, setbacks, etc., but to keep moving forward and it will eventually get better. Share the struggles as well as the successes so that we know we haven't totally screwed up by making this decision when we hit a wall. We have the pertinent medical information from the Drs. We need the real-life, experiential information from the "oldies" to know that our struggles aren't an indication that we're doing it all wrong. Sometimes our bodies are adjusting, sometimes they don't respond to certain things, sometimes they respond negatively. Help us remember that we're all in this together, the good, bad and ugly of it.
 
The 3 week stall is legendary on this site lol I would suggest that anyone with specific struggles, especially early on, use the SEARCH option. If you search 3 week stall there are a ton of posts. Certainly not all of them are positive and celebratory.

I certainly understand what you're saying, but support gets a bit tricky the further out you get. I would not say WLS is easy in the 1st year, but those months spent healing combined with the hormonal changes create a wonderful space for weight loss. Enter year 3 .. you can eat more, you've eaten less healthy foods (and liked them) and your body has become accustomed to those initial changes. All those healthy choices become CHOICES again. Formerly obese people do not always make the best food choices.

As we all know from when we were fat, the response to that is judgement and guilt! People respond rudely to regain a lot of the time. I'm not excluding newbies, I'm trying to make a safe space for those who come in with regain looking for help. Too often the response is negative, and those struggling leave and give up. I hate that.
 
2 years post op, I find I am still learning to live this new lifestyle. For the most part, the way I think about food is much different. I have given up "omg, this is so good, I must keep eating until its gone!!" thinking. Because, there will always be another opportunity to have whatever that food is.

For example, if I buy an ice cream cone and feel full I don't feel bad throwing the rest away. But it did get me thinking how so often children are pushed to finish what's on their plate. With restaurant portions being what they are, it is a wonder anyone is a healthy weight!

I do still struggle with the mental fear of regain. I lost about 100 lbs TWICE in my past and gained it back. So, I have this constant fear that I will become too lax and 2lbs will turn into 20 and I'll be back where I started. I constantly have to remind myself that I am physically incapable of eating the amounts I used to eat.

I am still so grateful that I had the surgery. I feel freaking amazing and except for the saggy knees, look pretty good too
 
missyinacage said:
2 years post op, I find I am still learning to live this new lifestyle. For the most part, the way I think about food is much different. I have given up "omg, this is so good, I must keep eating until its gone!!" thinking. Because, there will always be another opportunity to have whatever that food is.

For example, if I buy an ice cream cone and feel full I don't feel bad throwing the rest away. But it did get me thinking how so often children are pushed to finish what's on their plate. With restaurant portions being what they are, it is a wonder anyone is a healthy weight!

I do still struggle with the mental fear of regain. I lost about 100 lbs TWICE in my past and gained it back. So, I have this constant fear that I will become too lax and 2lbs will turn into 20 and I'll be back where I started. I constantly have to remind myself that I am physically incapable of eating the amounts I used to eat.

I am still so grateful that I had the surgery. I feel freaking amazing and except for the saggy knees, look pretty good too
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One of my fears pre-surgery was not EVER being able to enjoy some foods that I love, in moderation. That I may have to forgo ever enjoying certain foods again. I echo your words of "there will always be another opportunity to have whatever food that is". I know some people struggle more, or dump, or, or, or... but many of us are not giving up foods we enjoy but rather enjoying them on a special occasion, a small taste or portion, finding healthier food swaps...enough to satisfy our taste buds. Someone said on here to remember the 90/10 rule. Eat well and mindful of your plan at least 90% of the time, and allow yourself some occasional indulgences 10% of the time. That's a good reference point for me! My indulgences probably aren't even 10%, but maybe 2% but 90/10 is easier to remember!
 
Isn't it strange the things that bother us? I still have a saggy stomach (obviously) BUT that was always there, albeit bigger, so that doesn't bother me at all.

I took a video of my flapping arms on a road trip and sent it to my cousin cuz that is hysterical to me. The knees tho make me crazy .. Who has saggy knees?!?!
 
My bat wings are really bothering me. But not because of the sag, they’re itchy!! It just got bad recently though. I’ve been using creams to help, but nothings working. No rash, just ridiculously dry. I’ve always carried a lot of extra fat and now skin on my upper arms and never worried about how it looks. I still don’t. It’s hot out so I’m wearing tank tops! People just need to watch out in case I use my bat wings to take off!! Lol
 
moremeatplease said:
I did not go into the decision to have VSG surgery with the "magical" thinking some have referenced, either. Shared experiences was the reason I joined this site before surgery. Since having my surgery on 2/15/2022, I haven't been on here much because I wasn't seeing the struggles I was dealing with addressed. I hadn't seen anything about the "3 week stall" that many people experience. Then when I hit it, I was so discouraged because I thought I was doing something wrong. That stall lasted for just over a month before it broke. Now I'm 4 months post-op and at another stall where the weight is coming off at maybe a pound a week or less. Those types of struggles aren't really shared here, just the successes. Maybe some advice about the first few weeks post-op, as I know we "newbies" have a lot of questions. We appreciate your help during those uncertain times immensely! However, we ALSO need to hear the struggles in order to know what we could possibly experience. We need to learn from the wisdom of those who have gone before us. We need to know that it's normal to have stalls, gains, setbacks, etc., but to keep moving forward and it will eventually get better. Share the struggles as well as the successes so that we know we haven't totally screwed up by making this decision when we hit a wall. We have the pertinent medical information from the Drs. We need the real-life, experiential information from the "oldies" to know that our struggles aren't an indication that we're doing it all wrong. Sometimes our bodies are adjusting, sometimes they don't respond to certain things, sometimes they respond negatively. Help us remember that we're all in this together, the good, bad and ugly of it.
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We are all in this together but I think many people feel the same as you when it happens. Feel they must be doing something wrong so they don't say anything. I think all experiences help us grow. I for one know I blame myself if something goes wrong. I was reprimanded for weighing myself everyday. Some would stop posting because of that. Not me. It's my journey and I will do what I feel I need to. Weighing everyday helps me see maybe I didn't drink enough water yesterday or my choices were not the best. Since I log everything I eat in my bariastic app I am learning that the days I don't log (busy days) are the days the scale will show it tomorrow. I am a stress eater and trying to change that. If I have to log it, I'm less likely to eat it. But if I'm very busy I forget....to drink water. Have enough protein or meals. Even skipping can cause a stall for me
 
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