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Limericks

Dcepello

Member
A bawdy and humorous poetic expression of what you are going through in your journey of losing weight or just plain fun. There are many on line sites to help you learn the form. Good luck.

Limerick (poetry)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A limerick is a kind of a witty, humorous, or nonsense poem,[1] especially one in five-line anapestic or amphibrachic meter with a strict rhyme scheme (AABBA), which is sometimes obscene with humorous intent. The form can be found in England as of the early years of the 18th century.[2] It was popularized by Edward Lear in the 19th century,[3] although he did not use the term.

The following limerick is of unknown origin:

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
In space that is quite economical.

But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean

And the clean ones so seldom are comical.[4]

Gershon Legman, who compiled the largest and most scholarly anthology, held that the true limerick as a folk form is always obscene, and cites similar opinions by Arnold Bennett and George Bernard Shaw,[5] describing the clean limerick as a periodic fad and object of magazine contests, rarely rising above mediocrity. From a folkloric point of view, the form is essentially transgressive; violation of taboo is part of its function.
 
There was a large man named Bruno
Who paid for two extra seats to Fontainebleau
He arrived just fine
at the end of the line
For he could afford to go no farther than Juneau
 
No spiting on the floor, it's unappealing
Read the sign by the man from Darjeeling
They should have had a bucket
For this fellow to chuck it
For he started to spit on the ceiling
 
Ina Garten, a sexy wench with a flair
The ultimate guy's dessert with a pair
My Creme Brulee is
said this sweet ms,
Make it and he'll follow you anywhere
 
The family doesn't like steak and kidney pud
The dogs and I love it more than we should
Dogs and I at the dinner table
without a solitaire vegetable
The wife and kids should stay, if only they would
 
man o man if you want to get hosed
try a bottle of my Wild Irish Rosed
give Manishewitz
to old man Lipschitz
Gaelicing good time, mix them juxtaposed
 
Reality TV is all there is to reconnoiter
Enough crap to turn you into a vomiter
How many slugs can you eat
or hey watch me pick my feet
Cheaper when you don't pay for a scriptwriter
 
There was a man who lived in fancy digs
A fortune wrapping prosciutto around figs
He had the depression
wore a sad expression
All he ever wanted to do was raise pigs
 
There once was a girl huge of tummy
Said she, well that's just not funny
She went under the knife
no woe no strife
now her outlook is really quite sunny
 
Billy drank vodka and milk of magnesia
which hit him like a general anesthesia
Called a Phillips' screwdriver
His name he couldn't remember
It was clear case of Honkytonk amnesia
 
Anyone tells me who they voted and why
I tell them they have all gone a rye
I cough up phlegm
And tell them,
I voted for the other guy!
 
Pick pocking a dwarf on skid row
He thought he could get some dough
He got some lint
and a peppermint
How could anyone stoop so low?
 
As I drive to my Tower of Power
The limo has a built in shower
Whiskey older than sin
Cigars that are Cube-in
Grey Poupon, and I get paid by the hour
 
Pluto dog's playtime park
Underworlds time to bark
Three headed Cerberus
Hair lipped Epicurus
Chimes in mark! mark! mark!
 
She is mine, on her behalf
Our autumn years to graph
Her parts to thicken
She's no spring chicken
But she still knows how to laugh
 
His fleas think they own him
A territorial dispute, prelim
Chiggers have a claim
Mosquitoes have no shame
The bed bugs just want his hind limb
 
On my path to Nirvana without fear
I met a yogi with no veneer
He taught me mystically
and statistically,
"You can't get there from here."
 
There once was this guy from the Bay
Who sat and wrote limericks all day
He showed little decorum
And got locked out of the forum
So everything ended OK, ole
 
Last edited:
There once was a woman from Argentine
Who ate only legumes and the fava bean
she refused to love to me
unless I gave her a pea
The meanest woman to ever benzene
 
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