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FREAKING Out

Brenda2010

Brenda2010

Member
Hi guys,

So reality has hit, my body contouring surgery is in 11 days! OH MY GOD!!!

My RNY last March was my 3rd surgery in 3 years & while I was a little jittery for each of them, I wasn't worried much about complications. But for this one... I'll be under for 6-8 hours and the reality of that hit me hard this week. This is beyond major!

All along, I've been very confident in my research and desire to have this done so I was able to brush off anxiety & joke about it. But the last couple days I'm more stressed than I've ever been. I'm breaking out in hives & even had an emotional meltdown, breaking down in tears. Just scared to death and totally overwhelmed. It doesn't help that at work this past month, I've been trying to get ahead of the next 6-8 weeks' worth of deadlines, all while keeping up with my normal workload. I'm in a race against my never-ending to-do list.

In addition to my worry about possible complications and facing the obviously painful and difficult recovery, I'm putting so much faith in the skill of my surgeon. I've done my homework but still, this man is reconstructing my whole body. And he's just a man. My results are in his hands and I have no control whatsoever over the outcome. Yikes.

I still want this with all my heart, I'm just looking for some support. Only 2 people in my life fully support this. Others reluctantly accept it and there are a few others who I never should have told. Their reactions can only be described as hostile. I know the sentiment is that this is a luxury that I can't afford and that it's driven by vanity. I've actually been told, "Well I'd love a tummy-tuck but couldn't justify it". People just don't understand how compromised the skin becomes with obesity. Someone's belly after having a child is not the same as mine is after 38 years of yo-yo dieting and cramming an extra 125 pounds in this skin. Or is it that some people believe we deserve to have the hanging skin as a reminder, since we destroyed it ourselves? Fat shaming is so common that that I believe that could be a strong possibility.

I have identified as a fat girl since I was 7 years old. I was ridiculed for it my whole childhood & that turned me into an isolated, socially fearful adult. I need to stop being judged because of my body inadequacies. I need this surgery. I'll have significant scarring but I can handle that. I just need the scraps of obesity gone.

Thanks for listening. I'm at work but suddenly couldn't concentrate because of the anxiety. It helped to write.
 
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Wow Brenda I don’t know what to say except i think you’re going to be happy with the results! I feel Sorry you’re going to have so much pain if you do but you sound like you can handle it.Just think when your‘e all healed up you’ll have so much confidence in your self . And you can get all new clothes!
 
Brenda, you have my full support. You're one of the bravest people I've ever known, and watching your metamorphosis here has been... word.... can't find it... it's bigger than amazing or inspirational. Your focus has never wavered. Even if you had insane cravings or little failures, they never kept you from going back to the center and starting over with your affirmation. You made a decision and you took every step with courage and commitment. I've never even heard you whine once! And that's saying something, because most of us here have had a lot of whining to do.

What you did that's unbelievable outside this group is you made a decision never to be fat & unhealthy and embarrassed of your body. Then you put that decision into play, after a few stabs at doing it, then deciding against it.

I doubt anyone here even knows where you came from in order to get here.

And you are so pretty! And cute! You've got it going on in every department. I've never heard you say you want to be better looking to attract a mate, but only to please yourself.

The image you create every time you mention that you'll be reminded of this every month when you sit down to write that check is powerful. I can just see you doing it. And no one is making you do this or helping you do this. It's all YOU.

To be honest, in this group there are a few people I'm close to and I feel their chance at success is less than 50/50, and I'm pretty sure some of them will get bored or think enough is enough before they reach their goals. Most of us are muddled up in chaos and sometimes, it's hard to let the drama go.

You are letting it go and joining the ordinary world. Ordinary! Like, average, normal, unremarkable. It's a world where everyone is judged on merits, rather than being assaulted by stares and comments and little disapproving grunts of disgust. And while you're standing on that leveled playing field, after your weight loss and your body contouring, you'll see the people outside the circle who are still jiggling, limping, wheezing and trying to get through life pretending to be happy when they are filled with self-loathing and deep depression. You'll be sending them love, whether near or far, because you know how hard it is to reject a life of obesity. It's just so much easier to comfort yourself with food and buy big clothes and stay out of the spotlight, even if you cry yourself to sleep every night. You're gonna radiate love to all because, girl, you have been redeemed.

The fat girl you know will always be there with you because she was pivotal in your life. She was the reality that compelled you to take these steps. You don't have to hate her anymore.

As to the procedures, surgeons do this all the time. Surgeons are actually very special people with skills others could never develop. They are called to use their talents and understanding in the strangest land imaginable, the layers we can't see. It's all in a day's work for them. Your procedures are well-understood and will be carried out routinely, with a whole team of people in the room with you, making sure everything goes as planned.

When I think of your full-body contouring, the only thing that gets me is the 360-degree incision, where you are virtually separated, top from bottom. But it's not even worth thinking about. You'll be sound asleep and all those skilled fingers will be cutting and stitching, taking away the superfluous and reuniting the skin as it should always have been.

And when you wake up, it will feel like only a moment has passed. But it won't just be a moment. It will be a miracle.

Yes, it's gonna hurt. But you already know how to handle that. You're planning on getting help and you'll follow the doctor's orders about wound care and the best way to heal. In years to come, the post-op pain will just be a blip. Your new, lighter, more usable body will be the thing you really feel.

I never encountered obesity on the level of most people here. I was skinny, then got fat, and actually set a number, that I would never let myself go over 300 pounds. I got into the 260s and then I started to worry. I could see the toll it was taking on my body and the pup tents I had to buy off the rack to hide it, which only made me look worse. I remembered my Once Upon A Time life when I freaked out if I hit 125 pounds and immediately went on a diet to lose five or ten pounds. I remember fitting in and dining with others, then later, raising my child by going back to bed after he'd gone off to Kindergarten. I wasn't even fat yet, and I was a landscape gardener who used power tools and machinery to do my work, and I was strong.

People liked me. I don't know when that stopped, but then the steady rise to obesity began. I was going to do everything to make sure I was hideous. This was my destiny, according to my mother, and jealous women and judgmental men always seemed to have something to say that made me feel worse. After a while, I felt unworthy of living. Me, with all this talent. I thought I didn't deserve to exist.

So I did it, finally, and I decided against skin removal and to just live with my flabby upper arms and sagging belly. Took some doing but after a while, I couldn't give two shits what anyone thought of me.
2367


But I would have done the same thing you're doing if I'd thought I could afford it, or live with the scarring, or fit fluidly into a little black dress.

Now listen up, toots: you're doing this and you already know all the reasons why. You know what to expect and you are ready for it. This is the most exciting thing you've ever done and it will complete your metamorphosis from cocoon to butterfly.

And if you do the right things, like taking it really easy, the pain won't even be that bad.

Do not let anything deter you from your true destiny.

2368


I love you and am so proud you've chosen me to be a friend. You're a superstar and every day, you give and give to others in this group, helping hundreds of others, maybe thousands of others, giving them the courage to come along on this journey. Maybe in a past life you were an evil warlord. But in this life, you're a goddess, and it's your job to acknowledge and enjoy that.

You will be fine. I'm not going to tell you to calm down because even your fear is keeping you alive and focused on your goal. Live with it and soon, it will be over.

And tomorrow and the next day and the day after that, newbies here are going to start the journey you're on your way to finishing. Be here to guide them.

And if you want perspective, think of me. Not only did I throw my life away (not my fault, fighting depression every second of the day, doing the best I can), but now I have no son to love me, I'm in constant pain, and I'm having the first of perhaps many surgeries on Tuesday the 28th, which will only give me part of my ability to use my left hand for playing my guitar or sculpting or building things, and I may never be able to lift anything heavy again, even though I've always been so proud of my farmgirl strength. No surgery will ever fix my life. But your surgery will go a long way to fixing yours.

Maybe you should bring a pillow to work so you can go into a closet or bathroom and scream into it when you're most freaked out. It works for me. And Bradshaw might be a great help right now, or during your recovery: Healing the Shame that Binds You (Recovery Classics): John Bradshaw: 8601404327308: Amazon.com: Books
 
Brenda2010 said:
Hi guys,

So reality has hit, my body contouring surgery is in 11 days! OH MY GOD!!!

My RNY last March was my 3rd surgery in 3 years & while I was a little jittery for each of them, I wasn't worried much about complications. But for this one... I'll be under for 6-8 hours and the reality of that hit me this week. This is beyond major!

All along, I've been very confident in my research and desire to have this done so I was able to brush off anxiety when it hit & joke about it. But the last couple days I'm more stressed than I've ever been. I'm breaking out in hives, & even had a meltdown, breaking down in tears. Just scared to death and totally overwhelmed. It doesn't help that at work this past month, I've been trying to get ahead of the next 6-8 weeks' worth of deadlines, while keeping up with my normal work. I'm in a race against my never-ending list of to-dos.

In addition to my worry about possible complications and facing the obviously painful and difficult recovery, I'm putting so much faith in the skill of my surgeon. I've done my homework but still, this man is reconstructing my whole body. And he's just a man. My results are in his hands and I have no control whatsoever over the outcome. Yikes.

I still want this with all my heart, I'm just looking for some support. Only 2 people in my life fully support this. Others reluctantly accept it and there are a few others who I never should have told. Their reactions can only be described as hostile. I know the sentiment is that this is a luxury that I can't afford and that it's driven by vanity. I've actually been told, "Well I'd love a tummy-tuck but couldn't justify it". People just don't understand how compromised the skin becomes with obesity. Someone's belly after having a child is not the same as mine is after 38 years of yo-yo dieting and cramming an extra 125 pounds in this skin. Or is it that some people believe we deserve to have the hanging skin as a reminder, since we destroyed it ourselves? Fat shaming is so common that that I believe that could be a strong possibility.

I have identified as a fat girl since I was 7 years old. I was ridiculed for it my whole childhood & that turned me into an isolated, socially fearful adult. I need to stop being judged because of my body inadequacies. I need this surgery. I'll have significant scarring but I can handle that. I just need the want the scraps of the obesity gone.

Thanks for listening. I'm at work but suddenly couldn't concentrate because of the anxiety. It helped to write.
Click to expand...
First of all - OMG! Less than 2 weeks! You have worked hard for this, done your research, and YOU DESERVE IT. Your body needs it. This is not elective surgery like a tummy tuck.
A big resounding FO to anyone who dares be hostile to you. (pardon my French). That person is not your friend; he/she may be jealous that you have goals that you have achieved for yourself. It's rotten to treat a friend that way.
Here you are engulfed in compassion, knowing, cheering on, prayers, salutations, and any other treatment from the Universe for a wonderful outcome. Take deep breaths, meditate, take in all positive light, and know that this will be a wonderful outcome.
 
dianeseattle said:
Brenda, you have my full support. You're one of the bravest people I've ever known, and watching your metamorphosis here has been... word.... can't find it... it's bigger than amazing or inspirational. Your focus has never wavered. Even if you had insane cravings or little failures, they never kept you from going back to the center and starting over with your affirmation. You made a decision and you took every step with courage and commitment. I've never even heard you whine once! And that's saying something, because most of us here have had a lot of whining to do.

What you did that's unbelievable outside this group is you made a decision never to be fat & unhealthy and embarrassed of your body. Then you put that decision into play, after a few stabs at doing it, then deciding against it.

I doubt anyone here even knows where you came from in order to get here.

And you are so pretty! And cute! You've got it going on in every department. I've never heard you say you want to be better looking to attract a mate, but only to please yourself.

The image you create every time you mention that you'll be reminded of this every month when you sit down to write that check is powerful. I can just see you doing it. And no one is making you do this or helping you do this. It's all YOU.

To be honest, in this group there are a few people I'm close to and I feel their chance at success is less than 50/50, and I'm pretty sure some of them will get bored or think enough is enough before they reach their goals. Most of us are muddled up in chaos and sometimes, it's hard to let the drama go.

You are letting it go and joining the ordinary world. Ordinary! Like, average, normal, unremarkable. It's a world where everyone is judged on merits, rather than being assaulted by stares and comments and little disapproving grunts of disgust. And while you're standing on that leveled playing field, after your weight loss and your body contouring, you'll see the people outside the circle who are still jiggling, limping, wheezing and trying to get through life pretending to be happy when they are filled with self-loathing and deep depression. You'll be sending them love, whether near or far, because you know how hard it is to reject a life of obesity. It's just so much easier to comfort yourself with food and buy big clothes and stay out of the spotlight, even if you cry yourself to sleep every night. You're gonna radiate love to all because, girl, you have been redeemed.

The fat girl you know will always be there with you because she was pivotal in your life. She was the reality that compelled you to take these steps. You don't have to hate her anymore.

As to the procedures, surgeons do this all the time. Surgeons are actually very special people with skills others could never develop. They are called to use their talents and understanding in the strangest land imaginable, the layers we can't see. It's all in a day's work for them. Your procedures are well-understood and will be carried out routinely, with a whole team of people in the room with you, making sure everything goes as planned.

When I think of your full-body contouring, the only thing that gets me is the 360-degree incision, where you are virtually separated, top from bottom. But it's not even worth thinking about. You'll be sound asleep and all those skilled fingers will be cutting and stitching, taking away the superfluous and reuniting the skin as it should always have been.

And when you wake up, it will feel like only a moment has passed. But it won't just be a moment. It will be a miracle.

Yes, it's gonna hurt. But you already know how to handle that. You're planning on getting help and you'll follow the doctor's orders about wound care and the best way to heal. In years to come, the post-op pain will just be a blip. Your new, lighter, more usable body will be the thing you really feel.

I never encountered obesity on the level of most people here. I was skinny, then got fat, and actually set a number, that I would never let myself go over 300 pounds. I got into the 260s and then I started to worry. I could see the toll it was taking on my body and the pup tents I had to buy off the rack to hide it, which only made me look worse. I remembered my Once Upon A Time life when I freaked out if I hit 125 pounds and immediately went on a diet to lose five or ten pounds. I remember fitting in and dining with others, then later, raising my child by going back to bed after he'd gone off to Kindergarten. I wasn't even fat yet, and I was a landscape gardener who used power tools and machinery to do my work, and I was strong.

People liked me. I don't know when that stopped, but then the steady rise to obesity began. I was going to do everything to make sure I was hideous. This was my destiny, according to my mother, and jealous women and judgmental men always seemed to have something to say that made me feel worse. After a while, I felt unworthy of living. Me, with all this talent. I thought I didn't deserve to exist.

So I did it, finally, and I decided against skin removal and to just live with my flabby upper arms and sagging belly. Took some doing but after a while, I couldn't give two shits what anyone thought of me.
View attachment 2367

But I would have done the same thing you're doing if I'd thought I could afford it, or live with the scarring, or fit fluidly into a little black dress.

Now listen up, toots: you're doing this and you already know all the reasons why. You know what to expect and you are ready for it. This is the most exciting thing you've ever done and it will complete your metamorphosis from cocoon to butterfly.

And if you do the right things, like taking it really easy, the pain won't even be that bad.

Do not let anything deter you from your true destiny.

View attachment 2368

I love you and am so proud you've chosen me to be a friend. You're a superstar and every day, you give and give to others in this group, helping hundreds of others, maybe thousands of others, giving them the courage to come along on this journey. Maybe in a past life you were an evil warlord. But in this life, you're a goddess, and it's your job to acknowledge and enjoy that.

You will be fine. I'm not going to tell you to calm down because even your fear is keeping you alive and focused on your goal. Live with it and soon, it will be over.

And tomorrow and the next day and the day after that, newbies here are going to start the journey you're on your way to finishing. Be here to guide them.

And if you want perspective, think of me. Not only did I throw my life away (not my fault, fighting depression every second of the day, doing the best I can), but now I have no son to love me, I'm in constant pain, and I'm having the first of perhaps many surgeries on Tuesday the 28th, which will only give me part of my ability to use my left hand for playing my guitar or sculpting or building things, and I may never be able to lift anything heavy again, even though I've always been so proud of my farmgirl strength. No surgery will ever fix my life. But your surgery will go a long way to fixing yours.

Maybe you should bring a pillow to work so you can go into a closet or bathroom and scream into it when you're most freaked out. It works for me. And Bradshaw might be a great help right now, or during your recovery: Healing the Shame that Binds You (Recovery Classics): John Bradshaw: 8601404327308: Amazon.com: Books
Click to expand...
Wow... thank you Diane! I'm at my desk wiping tears away, hehehe... This is exactly what I needed, encouragement wrapped in a loving embrace. All I can say is thank you from the bottom of my heart, I love you too. :)
 
mmitti said:
First of all - OMG! Less than 2 weeks! You have worked hard for this, done your research, and YOU DESERVE IT. Your body needs it. This is not elective surgery like a tummy tuck.
A big resounding FO to anyone who dares be hostile to you. (pardon my French). That person is not your friend; he/she may be jealous that you have goals that you have achieved for yourself. It's rotten to treat a friend that way.
Here you are engulfed in compassion, knowing, cheering on, prayers, salutations, and any other treatment from the Universe for a wonderful outcome. Take deep breaths, meditate, take in all positive light, and know that this will be a wonderful outcome.
Click to expand...
Thank you!!! This encouragement helps more than you can imagine. :)
 
Bill S. said:
Brenda iv’e seen a couple of pictures of you and you look great already . I know with the surgery you want to look even better for yourself. You’re going to be fine your’e going to be as us guys say a babe.
Click to expand...
Hehe, thanks Bill. And as for the kind of man who wouldn't have looked at me twice a year ago... he can admire but I won't give him the time of day! ;)
 
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Brenda2010 said:
Hi guys,

So reality has hit, my body contouring surgery is in 11 days! OH MY GOD!!!

My RNY last March was my 3rd surgery in 3 years & while I was a little jittery for each of them, I wasn't worried much about complications. But for this one... I'll be under for 6-8 hours and the reality of that hit me this week. This is beyond major!

All along, I've been very confident in my research and desire to have this done so I was able to brush off anxiety when it hit & joke about it. But the last couple days I'm more stressed than I've ever been. I'm breaking out in hives, & even had a meltdown, breaking down in tears. Just scared to death and totally overwhelmed. It doesn't help that at work this past month, I've been trying to get ahead of the next 6-8 weeks' worth of deadlines, while keeping up with my normal work. I'm in a race against my never-ending list of to-dos.

In addition to my worry about possible complications and facing the obviously painful and difficult recovery, I'm putting so much faith in the skill of my surgeon. I've done my homework but still, this man is reconstructing my whole body. And he's just a man. My results are in his hands and I have no control whatsoever over the outcome. Yikes.

I still want this with all my heart, I'm just looking for some support. Only 2 people in my life fully support this. Others reluctantly accept it and there are a few others who I never should have told. Their reactions can only be described as hostile. I know the sentiment is that this is a luxury that I can't afford and that it's driven by vanity. I've actually been told, "Well I'd love a tummy-tuck but couldn't justify it". People just don't understand how compromised the skin becomes with obesity. Someone's belly after having a child is not the same as mine is after 38 years of yo-yo dieting and cramming an extra 125 pounds in this skin. Or is it that some people believe we deserve to have the hanging skin as a reminder, since we destroyed it ourselves? Fat shaming is so common that that I believe that could be a strong possibility.

I have identified as a fat girl since I was 7 years old. I was ridiculed for it my whole childhood & that turned me into an isolated, socially fearful adult. I need to stop being judged because of my body inadequacies. I need this surgery. I'll have significant scarring but I can handle that. I just need the want the scraps of the obesity gone.

Thanks for listening. I'm at work but suddenly couldn't concentrate because of the anxiety. It helped to write.
Click to expand...

You are going to do SO awesome - you seem to have your mind right and you have worked hard to get where you are now. I understand the anxiety - I usually have more anxiety over elective procedures than necessary ones (mostly in the way of guilt over what if something happens over something that was not medically necessary). I am excited to see your results and hear all about your experience, when you are up to sharing!
 
eladams2015 said:
You are going to do SO awesome - you seem to have your mind right and you have worked hard to get where you are now. I understand the anxiety - I usually have more anxiety over elective procedures than necessary ones (mostly in the way of guilt over what if something happens over something that was not medically necessary). I am excited to see your results and hear all about your experience, when you are up to sharing!
Click to expand...
Thank you so much! :) Do you have a date yet for yours?
 
Brenda2010 said:
Hi guys,

So reality has hit, my body contouring surgery is in 11 days! OH MY GOD!!!

My RNY last March was my 3rd surgery in 3 years & while I was a little jittery for each of them, I wasn't worried much about complications. But for this one... I'll be under for 6-8 hours and the reality of that hit me hard this week. This is beyond major!

All along, I've been very confident in my research and desire to have this done so I was able to brush off anxiety & joke about it. But the last couple days I'm more stressed than I've ever been. I'm breaking out in hives & even had an emotional meltdown, breaking down in tears. Just scared to death and totally overwhelmed. It doesn't help that at work this past month, I've been trying to get ahead of the next 6-8 weeks' worth of deadlines, all while keeping up with my normal workload. I'm in a race against my never-ending to-do list.

In addition to my worry about possible complications and facing the obviously painful and difficult recovery, I'm putting so much faith in the skill of my surgeon. I've done my homework but still, this man is reconstructing my whole body. And he's just a man. My results are in his hands and I have no control whatsoever over the outcome. Yikes.

I still want this with all my heart, I'm just looking for some support. Only 2 people in my life fully support this. Others reluctantly accept it and there are a few others who I never should have told. Their reactions can only be described as hostile. I know the sentiment is that this is a luxury that I can't afford and that it's driven by vanity. I've actually been told, "Well I'd love a tummy-tuck but couldn't justify it". People just don't understand how compromised the skin becomes with obesity. Someone's belly after having a child is not the same as mine is after 38 years of yo-yo dieting and cramming an extra 125 pounds in this skin. Or is it that some people believe we deserve to have the hanging skin as a reminder, since we destroyed it ourselves? Fat shaming is so common that that I believe that could be a strong possibility.

I have identified as a fat girl since I was 7 years old. I was ridiculed for it my whole childhood & that turned me into an isolated, socially fearful adult. I need to stop being judged because of my body inadequacies. I need this surgery. I'll have significant scarring but I can handle that. I just need the scraps of obesity gone.

Thanks for listening. I'm at work but suddenly couldn't concentrate because of the anxiety. It helped to write.
Click to expand...
I was wondering how you were feeling. I had several melt downs before the RNY. One day I even sat in my car crying because I was so stressed out, I had forgotten how to drive! If anyone can do this Brenda, you can. You are incredible! Good luck, just keep thinking of the end result, and really don’t worry about what anyone else says or thinks, its not their body x
 
Pink Julie said:
I was wondering how you were feeling. I had several melt downs before the RNY. One day I even sat in my car crying because I was so stressed out, I had forgotten how to drive! If anyone can do this Brenda, you can. You are incredible! Good luck, just keep thinking of the end result, and really don’t worry about what anyone else says or thinks, its not their body x
Click to expand...
Thanks a lot Julie. :)
 
5 work days to go! After working all weekend, I'm feeling a little more at ease about leaving my deadlines in others' hands. The plan is to split my deadlines between 4 people in my department so that no one has an obscene amount of additional work. I've been working on all the prep-work the past few weeks so that only the actual submissions need to be made on or around due dates (there will be 96 deadlines in the 8 weeks I'll be out). I'm leading 5 trainings this week, one with each person to go through their specific list, and a final group training with an overview of the things that may come up last minute that we can't foresee.

I've always been someone who would work remotely, even on vacations, so that no one would need to cover for me. Part control-freak but mostly I'm fiercely independent, someone who hates to ask for help. But I refuse to make this investment in myself and then not give my body the 6-8 weeks it will take in order to recover well. Physically, there will be obscene swelling that will prevent sitting too long in one position, or even lifting my arms to type for too long. So I need to be totally offline.

Anyway... I just wanted to write quickly in order to give myself a little reminder at the beginning of the workday to control the stress. Have a good Monday everyone!
 
I think everything has been hit on but I still want you to know you have my full support. You have been an inspiration to me since I first started in this group. Your dedication, empathy, and overall goodness just ooze out of you. You have all the tools you need to make it through this. And freaking out beforehand is one of them! Cry, scream, rant and rave, just do whatever you need to do to get the worry and stress out of your body. There is no way around it, you have to feel it and move through it to the other side. You have taken every step possible to make this as easy on yourself as you can because you know you deserve this. You deserve to look in the mirror and love the beautiful person staring back at you. You deserve to have the body you have always wanted because you have put in the blood, sweat, and tears to make this lifestyle change (and you've killed it!). You deserve everything your heart desires and I am so proud of you for facing the fear head on and going for gold. I love you so much! It will be over in a blink of an eye :)
 
missdarmitage said:
I think everything has been hit on but I still want you to know you have my full support. You have been an inspiration to me since I first started in this group. Your dedication, empathy, and overall goodness just ooze out of you. You have all the tools you need to make it through this. And freaking out beforehand is one of them! Cry, scream, rant and rave, just do whatever you need to do to get the worry and stress out of your body. There is no way around it, you have to feel it and move through it to the other side. You have taken every step possible to make this as easy on yourself as you can because you know you deserve this. You deserve to look in the mirror and love the beautiful person staring back at you. You deserve to have the body you have always wanted because you have put in the blood, sweat, and tears to make this lifestyle change (and you've killed it!). You deserve everything your heart desires and I am so proud of you for facing the fear head on and going for gold. I love you so much! It will be over in a blink of an eye :)
Click to expand...
Thanks miss, your support means a lot! I'm feeling more confident again today. I have a feeling it will come & go in waves the next week. I just need to do as I tell our newbies and look ahead at the big picture. Love you too, thanks again for the kind thoughts.
 
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