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Need advice

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nortonpug

Member
Hi, everyone! I am meeting with the surgeon on the 18th -- cannot wait. Will be setting my surgery date.

I need some advice. I do not want to share with anyone that I am having surgery. What do I tell people at work? What do I tell my extended family? Nobody except my husband and daughter are supportive of my surgery. I need to be able to have a "cover story." Does anyone have any suggestions of what I can say for being off of work for a month, and then all of the weight loss?

I know that I should be honest with everyone, but I just cannot deal with anymore judgements...

Thank you.
 
I know exactly how you feel. There are a few people at work that know and my parents and a very few select friends. I know that everyone would be supportive; however, its my judgment of myself and feeling like I am cheating that is stopping me from shouting it from the rooftops.
 
Sorry for replying with this suggestion. Tell your friends. You will be surprised at the support you will receive.... And what are you going to tell people when you start to lose weight? Eventually they will know. Your true friends will support you and who needs the rest? Please don't be ashamed of who you are. You are extremely brave to do this. Embrace yourself!
My surgery date is Dec 11. My friends are extremely supportive, including one who totally surprised me and will be with me during surgery and recovery.... Her and my husband will sort it out for me.
Good luck to you!
 
for me I kind of feel like I am going to jinx it you know. Like I tell everyone know and then something happens and boom no surgery.
 
I understand that. I also have the fear that something will happen. But just look to see how far you have come. Your determination has carried you to this place. Hang in there. Do what you think is right. Listen to what people say, then do your own thing.
 
I totally understand what you are saying. If you don't feel comfortable sharing, then don't. People lose weight all the time without surgery, so don't feel like you have to explain yourself. If some (rude) person asks you directly how you lost weight, you can honestly say "eating less and exercising" because that is what you will be doing from now on.
You may change your mind and feel more comfortable with the topic later on.
And BTW I doubt you'll be off work for a month if you are having the sleeve. I was ready to go back to work after one week, but stayed off for 2.
Good luck to you!
 
I didn't tell that many people. I feel my health is my business. Everyone sees that I walk and jog daily and eat whole foods so they know I am making lifetime changes. Do what is best for you. At first I figured I would share at some point but that point has not come. Being around negative people leads to negative feelings.
 
I went into this as a big secret. Only a handful knew what was happening. Well, needless to say, when I went back to work 4 weeks later and over 30lbs thinner I was honest and before I knew it, I didn't want to keep it a secret any longer. My collegues are very supportive and understanding
 
When I had my surgery, I told the people in my office and in my world. There is always food, munchies, take-out, candy, baked goods ... even though I was honest and up front, there was still some people who took it personally that I wouldn't eat their home baked goodies or would go to lunch at a pizza place. But they eventually came to understand to not take it personally. I have a girlfriend that did just the opposite and kept it a secret and she said she gets worn down by people asking what she's eating, why the portion size, "eating AGAIN?" because it's only been 3 hours since you last ate ... you know where I'm coming from, I'm sure.

I just found it less stressful to be honest ... amazingly enough it was less invasive of a weight to carry because people respected my choice to have surgery as well as the fact that I shared my decision to include them. They have also become a very nice support group! Instead of ordering out ... several of us walk around the block now.

Overall ... I think it depends on your personality and the people that may/may not need to share your information with. Either choice ... the big thing to remember is that you are doing this for YOU ... regardless of what others may or may not think. Once you start dropping the weight, they will completely understand!
 
Learn to tell people, "it is none of their business" and do it with confidence. The only person who matters in all of this is you. You are not doing this for anyone else.

Take care of yourself first then you can worry about the ones who matter most. The rest are nothing to worry about.
 
Thank you, everyone

I appreciate everyone's advice. I have my surgery date -- December 7th. Start the liquid diet on the 27th. I cannot wait to start this new chapter in my life. People at work have been curious, but ok when I tell them I'm going on a medical leave.
 
I have told my coworkers and immediate family, and they are all supportive of my decision. I haven't made it "Facebook official" yet though-becuase I also have a fear something might go wrong and it really won't be covered or the dates will be changed.
 
yes yes yes that is the same reason I am not facebook official too. Even though everything is scheduled and I start the liquid diet next Wednesday I still feel like something could go wrong and I would have to "take it back"
 
I am 3 months post op. I had a gastric bypass due to a hiatal hernia. At first I was really afraid to tell my family and friends and last but not least my co-workers that I was having surgery. I did not seek out gastric bypass surgery. But, after 2 consultations with 2 different surgeons I was told that the only way to repair my hernia and fix it permanently was the bypass. When I finally accepted my fate I told everyone. And yes, I posted on facebook that I was having surgery and why. The support I received was overwhelming. Everyone still wants to know how I'm doing. At work when we have pot lucks or birthday celebrations I can make smart choices and never feel left out. I can go to lunch and share my meal and not feel bad. But, I do know that this is very personal and you need to feel comfortable in who knows what and when. Good luck.
 
Once I made my decision to have bariatric gastric bypass I was comfortable telling people who are close to me. I am a retired person. However, I work a part time job ; limo driving. It gets me out to do some things and make a few bucks too. I told my employer (a small family business) that I was off the schedule for the next two months and that I was going in for bariatric surgery to take care of my weight issues, which have caused so many other issues with my health. They were supportive. I was happy. But you know what? It didn't matter! This decision was all about me taking care of me. I didn't need nor do I require anyone's approval. In fact, I had a few folks talk to me about putting off the surgery for a month or two for this reason or that. I said NO! The decision is made and I worked at expediting my surgery date. I worked at fulfilling all the pre-op medical requirements as quickly as possible.

So, that is where I stand on this topic.

It is all about you taking care of you and thus you move forward. If some people want to be negative on the subject, just tell them thank you but you assessed all the risk, rewards and made the decision.

I can tell you now three weeks post op the rewards are showing in leaps and bounds for me.

Best wishes,

Ralph
 
I feel the same way about telling others. Unfortunately, I work at the hospital on the floor that all WLS are done and insurance will only cover my procedure if done at my hospital. I see no conceiveable way I can keep this from any one at work. However, I am not talking about at until I have a date and need to ask for time off. I plan not to volunteer info and answer direct questions honestly but briefly. My fellow coworkers have a variety of opinions about WLS and am not interested in all their opinions right now or ever really. This is a personal decision and not for everyone so they should be thankful they don't have to wrestle with the decision. It seems the thinner the person is the less they approve but obviously they have never walked in our shoes.
 
sharpmind said:
I feel the same way about telling others. Unfortunately, I work at the hospital on the floor that all WLS are done and insurance will only cover my procedure if done at my hospital. I see no conceiveable way I can keep this from any one at work. However, I am not talking about at until I have a date and need to ask for time off. I plan not to volunteer info and answer direct questions honestly but briefly. My fellow coworkers have a variety of opinions about WLS and am not interested in all their opinions right now or ever really. This is a personal decision and not for everyone so they should be thankful they don't have to wrestle with the decision. It seems the thinner the person is the less they approve but obviously they have never walked in our shoes.
Click to expand...
One of the best things at the hospital was a nurse that had had bariatric surgery and was at her goal weight. She would come in to talk to me, even when I wasn't her patient.
 
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